WITH PEOPLE,
EXPECT DIFFICULTIES
AND DIFFERENCES
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily for this 5th Friday
after Easter is, “With People Expect Difficulties and Differences.”
SAL
I used to work with a priest named Sal.
We were part of a team of 3 Redemptorists - formed to get
people to talk to each other - about living and working together - becoming
better communities.
We would go into Redemptorist rectories and parishes and
try to get people to communicate better.
One of the things Sal would say was this: “If you can get
along with all the people in this room, you can get along with everybody and
anybody on the planet.”
I heard him say that about 5 times - to a group of 100,
50, 25, 15 and 10.
I finally asked him, “How many people is your bottom line
- on that number in a room - if you can get along with all the people in this
room, you can get along with everybody
or anybody in a room or the planet?”
He paused.
He thought for a few moments and said, “Two.”
Would you agree about that?
I didn’t.
Think about that?
What would be your number - if you agreed to what my
friend Sal was saying.?
Would anyone make it one?
Would anyone say, “If you can get along with yourself,
you can get along with everyone on the planet.”
OUR PROGRAM
We had a neat program that we presented to the
communities and our province and some of the parishes we worked in.
We talked about expectations: everyone is sitting there in every marriage,
in every relationship, in every parish, in every group, with expectations.
In other words, everyone has expectation s.
We had methods of outing expectations.
We would name a group: say “PRIESTS” - and put that word on top of a big piece of
white paper - front and center.
Then we would ask people to add expectations to a group.
Of priests, for example, people would yell out different expectations. People
would yell out in a small group different descriptions of what they would
expect of priests, good preachers, holy, always present, listeners, caring,
creative, don’t mention money, not overweight, reads, liberal, conservative,
and on and on and on.
That would be step one. We could do that same process for
Mass, Sermons, Parish Councils, Politicians, Schools, Teachers, Bosses, etc. etc. etc.
Then step two was the clever step - the learning moment
step. We would ask the group to put the letter R or U after each stated
expectation.
We called that the adjective step. R stands
for realistic and U stands for
unrealistic.
That was a great group process. Try it. It could be called, “Expectations and Then
the Adjectives.” That’s a way of naming the expectations and voting on whether
it’s realistic or unrealistic.
Another process that we used was called, “Personality
Types.” We used the Jungian Types -
known by many as the Myers-Briggs test.
We used a simple test of the same testing called “The Wheelwright Test.”
Companies - businesses - groups often come up with
personality tests. There are many. I
found out that many people love personality tests. It told me that people want
to get to know more about themselves and others.
Smart move. I like
the Enneagram because it gets at 9 types - but by our negatives. Some say it’s
the 7 capital sins plus 2 more. I don’t know about that. I like the Firo Test. A guy name Bill Schultz came up with it to
find out who will be compatible on a submarine.
We used material from a movement in the Catholic Church
called “The Better World Movement”-
which was started by Father Ricardo Lombardi in Italy after the Second
World War. I became a member of that
moment and got the training. The main idea is not the individual, but the group
- that we are to live in the image and likes of God - not God as one as much as
God as a community - a 3 that get along with each other so well, that they are
one.
CONCLUSION
By now, I’m on page 3 of this talk, I assume you have at
least 2 expectations. One is that I end
this. Oh yes, like expectations another process we used was to list the
assumptions we all have.
The 2nd expectation is this - unless your mind
left this room about 10 minutes ago - or never got here. It’s this: Why are you
telling us all this?
Answer: in our readings at Mass - all these days - after
Easter - we have readings from the Acts
of the Apostles - and if you listen carefully, you’ll hear them having many
of the same problems we have in our church today. People all have their agendas - their
expectations - for the others.
For example in Acts for today people are complaining
about Jewish laws regarding eating certain types of meat - and being in so
called unlawful marriages. Today’s
gospel from John is talking about the commandment to love one another. People put up No Smoking signs if people are
smoking. People quote Jesus’ commandment to love one another if people are not
loving one another.
P.S. We ended our team to get Redemptorists and the guys
we live with to talk to each other better. We failed. It’s called life. It’s
called the ongoing struggle. The good news for me I put some of what I learned
into a book called, How To Deal With Difficult People. It sold over 60,000
copies. It was even translated into Korean.
I’m hoping it appears on the table at the North Korean-South Korean
peace talks.
When asked if my book will help or work, I laugh and
smile - and say, “It sounds good on paper like the scriptures.” Then I might
add. “It works if like Jesus the word becomes flesh - if it becomes us.”
