FORGIVE AND FORGET

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Forgive  and  Forget.”

How many times in our life have we heard someone give us the advice, “Forgive and Forget”?

Both can be difficult to pull off.

FIRST FORGET

It’s interesting what we remember and it’s also interesting what we forget.

We see someone and without knowing it, they look like a high school classmate who used to pick on us - bully us - bother us - many years ago - but we don’t know why the appearance of this person is bothering us.

We go by a cemetery on a road we never were on before - and we feel the sacred - or we feel scared - as we drive by.  It’s a different feeling when a mile further ahead we drive by a high school - on the other side of that road.

Buildings, churches, fences, barking German shepherd dogs,  an old lady with a cane or an old man on a bicycle trigger past experiences. 

Sometimes we can recover and remember the source of that feeling upstream or downstream in our mind. Sometimes we don’t.

Sometimes we see so and so - and we go, “Oooouuuuuuh!” and we know exactly why we feel that way towards this person.  We can’t forget  what she said about us behind our back 17 years ago. 

There are things we cannot forget.

When I go by the Maryland Inn - and the Treaty of Paris Restaurant -  on the top of Duke of Gloucester Street - I remember and say a prayer every time. That’s where my niece Margie was proposed to by her husband Jerry. He dropped into Annapolis years ago and told me his story as we were taking a walk on the red bricks of Annapolis.

When I drive past Maimonides Hospital in Brooklyn - I feel  the memory coming out of the bricks, “This is where my dad died.”

I have been told by lots of folks who drop into Annapolis - and into St. Mary’s Church, “This is where we got married.”

Years ago - I didn’t know I did this - but we were going by Victory Memorial Hospital in Brooklyn. My nephew Michael was in the car with us. Well, I went, “Shuuuuuuuuuuu!” as we went up a particular street and past a particular building.  He or maybe his brother or sisters asked, “Why the “Shussh!?” And I answered, “This is where I was born. In this hospital here.”  A year or two later, Michael got hit by a car and was knocked out and  they took him to another hospital to be checked. He woke up - looks around - and says to the nurse, “Is this where my Uncle Andy was born?” My sister Mary told me that story.

Imagine all the memories and sentences and comments and scenes we have in our RAM - our Random Access Memory - in our brain?

Remembering is who we are - and advertisers want to know all about memory triggers.

Forgetting - as in forgive and forget - is tricky business - as well.

NEXT FORGIVING

Forgiving is also tricky - but it’s a lot more part of the will. It’s more of a choice - compared to forgetting and remembering.

I can forgive someone - even though I can’t forget what they did to me.

The gospels don’t tell us we have to forget.  They do tell us to forgive.

Jesus tells us to forgive 70 times 7 times.

In fact at times before forgiving, Jesus tells us to remember - as in, “Let him or her without sin cast the first stone.”  Jesus is telling us: "Don’t forget you too have made mistakes."

ST. STEPHEN

Today - the first day after Christmas - is the feast day of St. Stephen. He is  considered by some to be the first martyr who died because he was a follower of Jesus Christ .

Stephen remembers what Jesus said on the cross when he was dying on Calvary, “Father forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.”  So Stephen says when he is being killed, “Father don’t lay this sin on their doorstep.”

Notice in that prayer - that shout to God - that Stephen says to God, “Forget about it.”  He’s saying to forgive and forget about this - what they are doing to me.

CONCLUSION

Forgetting is sometimes part of amnesia and aging.

Forgiving is hopefully always  part of being a Christian.

___________________________________

Picture on top: The Stoning of St. Stephen by Rembrandt

December 26, 2017

BOXING  DAY    

Today is “Boxing Day” - no, not fighting.

In fact, December 26^th, is just the

opposite. It’s the feast of St. Stephen -

the patron saint of forgiveness.

Today is Boxing Day - when Christmas is

stretched - so we can enjoy the leftovers,

to think more of the poor and anyone

else we might have missed on Christmas.

Today is “Boxing Day” - but not in the

United States - but it is in many places

around the world, when people give

each other boxes with gifts inside.

Today - in the good old USA - empty boxes

line the curb - waiting for a garbage truck.

Their contents were: toys, shirts, sweaters,  shoes, and socks that grace and embrace us.

Today people are still outside their boxes,

Today - Boxing Day - we can still hear

“Merry Christmas” everywhere - all

over the USA and all around the world.

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

THE  SORT OF  QUIET MAN

He was sort of a quiet man - not always - but sometimes.

Nobody’s all that quiet - all the time.

Sometimes Mike’s teenage kids just ignored him - because they thought he was ignoring them. 

Sometimes …. Sort of….  Not too sure about all this…. He probably really didn’t know -  that’s what he was doing - if that’s what he was doing.  

Nor did they know what they were doing - if that’s what they were doing.  

Let’s give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

Isn’t that what Jesus said on the cross - when he said, "Forgive them. They don’t really know what they are doing?"

Who does?

Sometimes families are like that and they don’t grasp this till 50 years later when they are adults - sitting on porches in summer vacation rented places - and they are figuring out - how they all got - to where they got.  Sort of ….

So Mike was sort of a quiet man - not always - but sometimes.

That is - till his boss called him into his office on the Wednesday before Christmas. His boss  asked him, “I need you to play Santa Claus at the company’s Christmas Party -  today.”

He said, “No no no!” instead of saying what his boss hoped,  he would say, “Ho ho ho. Yes. Gladly.”

“But no -  oh no!” was his immediate reaction - and response. “No. No. No. No way. Me Santa Claus?   No. I don’t do Santa Claus.”

His boss could see and hear that “No, no, no!” on Mike’s face and in his stiffened body - as it oozed out of his mouth. Slowly ….

His boss then said, “Well, as you know, Jim plays Santa every year. But he just got a call last night that his mom in Syracuse was rushed to the hospital. He    had to get a flight right away to Syracuse. It doesn’t look good for his mom and as you know, we only have one mother.”

“So Mike” - his boss said, as he pointed to the Santa Clause outfit - on his desk. “You and Jim are the only two guys around here about the same height and the same weight,  I need you to do this.  The kids of our employees will be here in about 1 hour for the Christmas party - for lunch, for presents, and to see Santa and tell him what they want for Christmas.

“All you have to do is to say to each kid, ‘Ho. Ho. Ho.’ Then say to each kid, ‘You have not been naughty. You have only been nice.’ Then ask them, ‘What do you want for Christmas this year?’

“That’s all you have to say to every kid.

“Then point them over to the big table. It will be loaded with gifts  and they can have their pick.”

“Ugh,” said Mike. "Triple, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh.”

“Look,” his boss said, “I’m 6 foot 5, 300 pounds. And I’m perfect  to play Santa Claus - and I always wanted to be a Santa Claus - but this suit would never fit me. We bought it for Jim and he  plays a great Santa Claus every Christmas Party.”

Pause. Silence. Big time silence. Pause.  

Would Mike do it?

“Okay,” Mike said to his boss, “I’ll do it - but you owe me big time.”

He took the Santa Clause suit - went to the bathroom. He suited up and it fit perfectly.

Next, he took the fake beard and whiskers and long white hair and put each on.

He looked in the mirror. “Not bad, he thought. Not bad.”

Then he said to himself in the mirror. “This is itchy - and this is nervous stuff -  but I’ll give it a try.”

Out he walked and headed back to the boss’ office.

“Perfect Mike. Perfect!”

The boss adjusted Mike’s beard and hair and mustache a bit.

Then he gave him a big bag filled with candy and lots and lots of Piggies and Bears.

Piggies and Bears?

Yes, that’s where Mike and Jim and the boss worked: It was a factory with a  big sign outside, “Home of The Piggy Bears!”

The factory  made leather Piggies and leather Bears.

The factory employed about 30 women - most of whom worked there for years - and 5 men: Mike, Jim, the Boss and two other guys.

The factory made a pink leather pig - about the size of football - and the factory was loaded with industrial size sewing machines and the women sewed up the pigs underneath bellies and also sewed onto the pink leather pigs - their 4 legs, ears, black two holed noses and red pig lips, and bead like eyes.

The factory also made a brown leather bear - also the size of a football - also soft  leather like the pigs - but brown leather for the bears. The 30 or so women sewed on their paws and arms and legs, and eyes and ears and noses, as well.  

The leather bears and pigs  looked sort of like the leather seats in an expensive leather seated car.

Inside the pigs and the bears for stuffing were  rags - old rags - but clean and well washed  rags.

And surprise - only the boss knew this - and one woman supervisor:   into every 100 pigs and 100 bears - inside their bellies - a sewn silk purse was placed - that had inside it a $100 bill.

It’s been 10 years now since the Piggy Bear Company has been making Pigs and Bears - and as far as the boss knows, nobody has yet to find a  sewn silk purse with a $100 dollar bill in some pig or bear.

It might be because the quality of the leather Pigs and Bears is so good and these Pigs and Bears last.  It might also be because the secret has been well kept for so long.

Wait, too much information. Back to Mike as Santa Claus.

At noontime - the lunch room was filled with about 100 kids - including Mike’s 3 teenagers - two boys and the youngest - a girl. Like teenagers they were sort of hiding and kidding around in the background - especially because as teenagers sometimes they didn’t want to be lumped together with little kids.

His kids were too busy to  recognize their dad as Santa Claus.

There was nice Christmas music in the background.  There were sliders and tiny ham and cheese and liverwurst  sandwiches for the adults. There were tons of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese for the kids.

Santa Claus sat on a big strong chair up front in the center of the lunch room.

The 30 ladies who worked there wore red Christmas Santa Claus hats and the 5 men who worked there - including the boss wore blue Christmas Santa Claus hats.  Everyone was wearing a smile.

Mike’s kids were still wondering in their background noise where their dad was.

They figured  - when or if they wondered - that he was often off to the side. He was a really quiet guy.

There was an announcement for all the kids to line up to see Santa Claus. At that the teenagers backed back - and the little kids lined up front front enthusiastically

By the 20^th kid, Mike, Santa Mike, was crying.

3 kids wanted their fathers for Christmas. One was in the army in Afghanistan. One was in the hospital sick - and dying of cancer. One was in jail.

Kids wanted their moms to get nice presents for Christmas.

1 little girl wished her mom and dad would take her to church like her girl friends’ parents  brought her to church.

1 girl wanted her mom and dad to stop fighting.

Then the big moment happened.    Mike’s youngest daughter came up to see Santa. She was doing it on a dare - because the other teenage girls thought they were too old to see Santa. She came up and leaned onto her dad’s leg - only to scream out - really loud, “It’s my dad. My dad is Santa Claus. Oh my God. My dad is Santa Claus.”

And she hugged and hugged him and everyone in the room stood up and clapped for Mike - the guy who was always known as “the Quiet Man.”

He handed her two boxes of candy and a pink Piggy and a brown Bear.

O   O   O   O   O   O   O

Fifty five years later at her father’s funeral, this daughter gave her dad’s eulogy.

She told the crowd in church - which included her mom who was still living - and all her kids and all her nieces and nephews - and grandnieces and grandnephews - and Mike’s friends - how that Santa Claus moment changed her dad’s life and his personality.

He became a real Santa Claus to them - as well as a squeezable Piggy and a squeezable Bear.

No she didn’t find a $100 dollar bill in the Bear she got that day 50 years earlier - but her granddaughter - 10 years after that funeral day -  found a $100 in the silk purse in the Piggy her grandma got that day - 60 years earlier.

That story hit the papers and sure enough anyone who had an old brown leather bear or an old pink leather piggy from the Piggy Bear Company - from way, way back - carefully opened it up. Well, 11 people discovered a $100 bill in their collector’s item.

The other bears and pigs - some with $100 dollar bills are out there, in attics, in cellars, in garbage dumps, and there is one in a small child’s casket - a child who died too early - but she loved her Bear - and hugged it to her end.

December 25, 2017

BRAGGING RIGHTS

Do chairs - airplane seats - ball point pens -
bathrooms - staircases - elevators - escalators -
brag who sat in them or used them. Do they?

How about mangers, cribs, with animal teeth
marks on their wood.  Did one  ever say: "Hey 
I held hay - but I also held the Lord Jesus?"

How about hands and tongues and teeth and
sweet and sour breath, do they realize they
chew and touch the Lord Jesus in Communion?

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

WHO’S  AFRAID?

 INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 4th Sunday in Advent [B]  is, “Who’s Afraid?”

This is a homily -  that I basically came up with while walking home last night. Then I typed it up this morning.

Being afraid - being fearful - being scared - is a theme that shows up in everyone’s life.

Who’s afraid?

We hear it from our parents - who want us to fall asleep - sleep in our own bed - as they say, “Don’t be afraid of the dark!” so “Go to sleep!” - so we can relax and watch NCIS or NCAA basketball or what have you.

We hear it in children’s literature, “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?” And we hear it in adult literature and plays and movies, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?”

We hear it all through scriptures: Adam and Eve were afraid and hid from God. So too Abraham, Moses, Joseph, the Prophets. 

Now,  today in our gospel, the angel Gabriel says to Mary, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.”

Who’s afraid?

EVERY ONE

Last night I walked back from the Annapolis Maritime Museum. I   was at a wedding reception after a wedding I had here at St. Mary’s at 3 PM.  The Annapolis Maritime Museum is at the other end of the Maritime Republic of Eastport. It's about a 20  minute walk from St. Mary’s to there. I wanted to get in my 10,000 plus steps on my Fitbit. I got 12,000 steps yesterday.

Back to my story. 

It was dark - walking back - through the streets of Eastport.

I was thinking while walking - that I need to get back here and finish my homily for this morning. After reading the gospel yesterday after noon, I had decided that I wanted to think  out loud about,  “Who’s Afraid?”

I asked myself while walking, “Are you afraid of the dark?”

It was dark. I was all by myself. There was not that much light. I haven’t heard about robberies at night in Eastport. Was I afraid?

Nope. But I was afraid of stepping into a big puddle of water in the dark.

And as I walked up Severn Avenue  I was afraid - for a moment there - of cars - because I had to walk in the street in two spots because of some big puddles. It had rained heavy. Moreover, it was Saturday night and there are a lot of restaurants on Severn Avenue and people drink. So I was careful. I didn’t want to be splashed or hit by a car while walking. That’s a fear - but not a big one.

So there are fears: big fears and little fears.

As I walked along  I was thinking of that Charlie Brown cartoon that talked about different types of phobias: potaphobia, fear of drink - not of getting a pot - but that can happen Then there is  elevatoraphobia, fear of elevators or  agoraphobia, fear of crowds or the marketplace. Well, then to top everyone, Charlie Brown says he has Pantaphobia. “What’s that?”, Lucy or someone asks.  He answers, “Fear of everything.”

QUESTIONS

Here are some questions for all of us on this question of being afraid or being filled with fear. 

What are your phobias, fears? What are you afraid of?

Fluaphobia, Icyroadsaphobia, canceraphobia, Traffictieupaphobia, deathaphobia, governamentaphobia, nuclearwarphobia?

The title of my homily is, “Who’s Afraid?”

Is everyone afraid of something?

Is everyone afraid of someone - some specific person?

Is it all relative?

I remember a lady - someone in some other assignment - at a coffee break or during an after church conversation - telling me, “Whenever it hits July 4th - yes July 4th - I feel myself getting nervous?"

"Why?"

"Why?  Well, because Christmas is coming and we have to see my husband’s mother in California. every Christmas.”

As I was walking home last night - back here to St. Mary’s - I said, "That's stuff is about others. What about you, Andrew. What are your fears?"

As I walked I began thinking. Then I remembered something that happened to me every year in January of 1984 to 1993.

I would get a nasty pain in the back - above my right cheek - just below my belt -  every year near the end of January.

I’m slow, but it took me 5 or 6 years - probably by 1990 - to realize what was causing this pain in the butt.

I had a job called “Novice Master” - and I would have around 10 to 12 novices for a year and a day. I did that 9 years for 9 classes. It went August to August. Well, January was the mid-point and I had to screen these future Redemptorists. That meant I might have to cut some folks.

It took me 5 or 6 years to realize how tough that is - dealing with the future of someone’s life. I used to hear when I went through the seminary system that this was God’s will. I didn’t believe that. I still don’t. I don’t want to - or pretend to - know or be God’s will.

I had to make the decision - along with an assistant - but I was the main guy - whether this other guy goes on or not.

I was dealing with another’s life….

Looking back further - in our 4^th year of college - our second year of philosophy - in Ethics class - we were given topics for debates. We were paired up with one other guy. One was to be pro and the other con on an ethical issue. Myself and a guy name Ray were given Capital Punishment. He was told to be pro - for - Capital Punishment - and I was to be con - against - Capital Punishment. I spent a good 3 weeks reading all I could about Capital Punishment - pro’s and con’s  - facts and figures.  We had the debate. I lost big. The professor was all for Capital Punishment.

Looking back I realize I lucked out being given the assignment to be against Capital Punishment - because that’s me. I don’t want to play God. I’d be afraid of being part of the taking of a person’s life - and who knows? Mistakes can be made. People can repent. Etc. Etc. Etc.

CONCLUSION

I’m not in a debate here in this sermon.

I’m simply in this homily addressing the question and issue of being afraid.

I’m asking, “Who’s afraid?”

I’m asking all of us to look at what we  are afraid of?

If you’re scared of dark streets, call a Uber - unless you have Uberaphobia or go in your own car - or tell people you can’t make the reception that night. Sorry.

If you’re afraid, do what Mary does in today’s gospel, “Ask questions” and then when satisfied, say what Mary said, “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”

And ooops, I better add a very important closing comment here - which you don’t have agree on - and from my experience - some of you will not agree upon. Life - a lot of life - is very much up for debate.

I believe that phrase, “according to your word” - does not mean - what a lot of people thinks it means - that God has a specific plan for all of us - what we are to do that day - detail by detail.  I see “according to  your word” to mean that God’s plan for all of us each day is to love the Lord our God, with our whole heart, mind, soul and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves today - and then watch and see what unfolds. Amen.

December 24, 2017

SLOW  LEARNER 

The shepherds knew….

The Innkeeper didn’t.

The donkey, the ox,

the sheep and the lamb,

sensed something was different.

This night …. It was different….

The Magi figured and followed ….

Herod knew enough to plot and kill….

Jesus and Mary were okay up to now….

Me? It’s been years now.

I still don’t know if I slowly getting it.

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

CHRISTMAS GREETINGS