LEADERSHIP: 3 POINTS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my talk is, “Leadership: 3 Points.”

I have given a talk on leadership at this COSA ceremony at the beginning of another St. Mary’s High School year - almost  year now for the last 14 years.

Thank you for this opportunity to think about this topic of leadership again.

At 77 years of age - I would guess that I still have a few words about this topic.

So I sat down and listed 10 possibilities. Then I picked 3.

I’ll save the other points for another year.

POINT NUMBER ONE: ASK QUESTIONS - FOR EXAMPLE?

A leader asks questions.

A leader listens for the questions people have.

A leader has to address his or her own questions about leadership and life.

A leader is often expected to give answers. I prefer to stress questions before answers.

And I think the # 1 question to ask is, “For example?”

Let me repeat that: “The #1 question for leaders to ask is, “For example?”

Asking that question gets each other  to think. It gets us to be more specific. The for example question forces clarity.

For example: “What are the specific issues we need to address when we talk about leadership?  Give me some examples.”

So leaders ask other people questions - more than giving answers.

I’m saying again for the 3^rd time, the number one question to ask is, “For example?”

I would think that example speaks louder than words - in fact, words to me are reflections and thoughts after the fact - after experiencing some example.

Looking forward, some of you will become coaches and captains of teams and for starters you will imitate the example of those you saw on the teams you were on.

Looking forward, some of you will be in organizations in this school - and future schools.

For example, some of you will experience COSA here at St. Mary’s. Those on COSA will influence you - in what you do and what you don’t do - how you saw people lead and not lead - how someone ran a meeting well or not so well. And hopefully, what you will learn are the examples you liked and didn’t like.

Looking forwards, most of you will become parents, leading kids into the future, and you will do parenting the way you saw your parents do parenting. There will be things your parents did that you won’t do - because you named them and you named how you want to be different.

If you don’t do that, “History will repeat itself.”

Someone said, “If you want to change someone, you have to change their grandmother.”

So what I’m saying here is this: “For example? is a great life question - to ask it a good 10,000 times before you die.”

When someone is complaining - when someone is accusing you of something, ask - say, “For example?”

Let me give one of my favorite examples. It’s called, “How To Use a Microphone.”

As COSA leaders - as any leader - learn how to speak loud and clear when you stand  up to speak up at a microphone.

At different times in life, you will go to the microphone.

When I get a chance,  I like to tell anyone who will listen, “Here’s how I learned to use a microphone.”

For example, someone says to you, “You were at the microphone and it’s obvious, you don’t know how to use a microphone.”

So you answer back, “Sorry! I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me. Well, can you show me how to use a microphone?” 

When you do that, you’re asking, “For example, what’s the best way to use a microphone.”

It’s then I say, “Make a fist. Then make a ‘Thumbs up.’ with that fist. Then put the tip of your thumb on your lips - still making a fist. Then leaving your hand exactly as it is,  fold in your thumb.”

If you don’t know how to use a microphone, that’s Lesson  # 1. That’s how close you should be to the microphone - if you’re not sure. It’s the length of a thumb: around an inch and a half.

Now,  I want to say, “If one person here this morning heard what I just said about how close you should be to a microphone - and puts it into practice for the rest of your life, then I have been a leader. Then it was worthwhile for me to come to this microphone to speak today.”

I heard someone say and show that way to use a microphone in the 1970’s and I have been practicing that  ever since when I use a microphone.

For example, I was at a meeting on Riva Road on Opioids last Tuesday and I heard people yelling about 37 times to the people on stage, “Not loud enough!”

Those speaking were too far from the microphone.  They could not be heard. I was not in charge, so I didn’t say anything, but if I was in charge, I would show them the fist, thumb, to the mouth trick.

There are other tricks - but that’s one practical one:  The Fist and Thumb to the Lips example.

Leaders need to be heard. Speakers need to be heard.

Learn how to yell at speakers, “Louder!” The other day - after a lot of people could not be heard - a bunch of people did yell out and some people got closer to the microphone.

Leaders need to be heard for starters.

SECOND POINT: THE TASTE TEST

In your lifetime you will experience a lot of laziness, craziness,  people making comments that are not thought out too well. People don’t prepare. People don’t do their homework. 

To put it bluntly: In your lifetime you will experience a lot of crap.

So my second suggestion for being a leader is that you learn to use the taste test.

It goes like this.

A person is walking down the street. He or she stops. They see something on the sidewalk. They go over to it and say, “It looks like.”

They get down on their knees, bend over it and smell it. “It smells like.” 

Then they take their finger and touch it and say, “It feels like.” 

Then they taste it and they say,  “Oooh. This is crap!” 

Then they say, “Good thing I didn’t step in it.”

A leader knows crap when they see, smell, touch,  taste and almost step in it.

For the rest of your life, you will experience people feeding you a lot of crap - in dating, with regards drugs, in business meetings, and especially regarding money.

People want your money and they will feed you a lot of crap to get it.

Don’t fall for it - and you know what   IT  is. It rhymes with it.

Remember you heard it  here - this second point about leadership.

THIRD POINT: BE A GLOBALIST

There are two kinds of people, those who build walls and those who build bridges.

I hold that good leaders build good bridges. I hold bad leaders build walls.

I don’t know how much it will cost to build a new Bay Bridge.

Ask those stuck on Route 50 on most Friday evenings here in Annapolis - as they inch their way forward so that they can cross the Bay Bridge - into Eastern Maryland if they would want a new or bigger Bay Bridge. Or asks that some question on Sunday night to people coming back over the Bay Bridge from the Easter Shore of Maryland. Ask them if they prefer walls or bridges?

As priest - I know one of the key jobs for a priest is to build bridges.

As priest I know that a New Testament word for priest and pope is pontifex - meaning bridge.

I love Michelangelo’s painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. It has God reaching out his finger to touch Adam’s finger. It then shows Adam  pointing his finger to touch God’s finger. It’s two fingers trying to bridge the distance between two people.

Notice God’s hand is not a fist.

Notice Adam’s hand is not a fist.

If people asked me, “Is there anything in the world  you don’t like to see happening?” I would answer, “Yes.”

If they then asked, “For example,” I would say, it’s this call to be nationalists - isolationists - to build walls that separate people from people. It’s this urge to wall out people.

It would be this tendency to make fists - instead of open hands; to shake a fist at another instead of making an open hand to shake on a deal with each other.

I see it in groups. People want to isolate and insulate each other from each other - to push away and bully away people we don’t like.

A leader notices hands when with others.

It’s happening right now on the border between Myramar and Bangladesh. There is a group of people who are labeled the Myramar Rohingyas. They are Muslim. They are also labeled “the most friendless people in the world.” 300 to 400 thousand are trying to migrate and move - trying to find a place to live. Hindus and Buddhists, and other Moslems are giving this group of Muslims a tough time to find a place to exist.

If there is one thing in the world that is happening in the last 20 years it’s migration.

What’s your position on people coming into America? Wall them out or invite them in?

If there is one thing that’s happening in our world, it’s this brownification of peoples. Next time, you're in New York City or Toronto, take the subway. Look around at the color of the skin of the people traveling on spaceship earth with you. Study the people you are moving and migrating on this train called, "earth" with.  People are falling in love with those around them. People are having mixed marriages. People are having multi-cultural babies. We are becoming one world - whether we like it or not.

For the sake of transparency I grew up within eyesight of the Statue of Liberty. Its base or bottom line plaque invites the world’s tired and poor to come to America and join us.  Listen again to what that Statue says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, send these the homeless, tempest tost,  to all. I lift my flame beside the golden door.”

That is part of my Christian outlook on life.

It’s everyone’s earth.

All are welcome.

For the sake of transparency my parents came to America from another county - speaking both English and Gaelic. My parents had little education. My parents did what many people who come to America did. They earned money and sent it back home to pay for their brothers and sisters to come to America - as well as to feed those back home.

I’m 77. You’re 17 and younger. Lucky you: because you’re going to be seeing the world’s borders crumbling a lot more than ever in the next 50 years.

That means there will be pushback - and screams about immigration - legal and illegal.

People are going to want more and more walls - so that what they perceive as their land and their stuff - that it will be protected.

Christians forget the Resurrection story - when Jesus came through walls and said, “Peace!” [Cf. John 29:19-21.]

So leaders there is my third point for leadership. Have as 1 of your 3 key points: “All are welcome.”

I would hope that COSA leaders here in St. Mary’s would be highly in favor of no walls - no cliques - no isolating people who seem to be or seem to look different than the who I am.

CONCLUSION

Let me close with a quote about leadership - that touches on  my 3 points for this morning: “A little old lady was refused a hearing by Alexander the Great. She spoke up and reprimanded him saying, `If you have no time for the little person as well as the big, you have no time to be King.’”  

O - O - O

This was a talk I gave to our St. Mary's High School students at the beginning of this new school year - when the Council of Student Activities - were sworn in as the COSA  leaders.

ALL SAINTS

  

                    Lord,

                    I don’t know

                    any of your Saints personally,

                    but I do know mine:

                              - a lady in our church

                                 who quietly and faithfully

                                 has run the soup kitchen

                                 all these years;

         

                              - a guy at work

                                who would give you

                                the shirt off his back;

                              - my mom and dad

                                who taught me how to love,

                                how to forgive

                                and how to pray;

                              - a friend who always listens

                                when things just aren’t 

                                going right,

                                and you can count on this:

                                that’s as far as it goes.

                    Oh yeah, there’s this old nun 

                    in our parish who takes care 

                    of the school library in the morning,

                    visits some people in the 
                    nursing home in the afternoon, 

                    and answers the rectory phone 

                    in the evening. 

                    She just doesn’t want to retire. 

                    Lord, I don’t know any 

                    of your Saints personally,

                    but I’m sure you know mine.

• Andrew Costello

(© Markings  Prayer for November 1995) 

ALL  SAINTS  DAY: 

TWO  QUESTIONS 

INTRODUCTION

It’s All Saints Day and I have two questions to reflect upon for this feast:

1) Who are the saints you have met -- who are saints with a small “s” -- the uncanonized saints?

2) Who are the Saints in your life -- Saints with a capital “S” -- your favorite canonized or official saints?

SAINTS WITH A SMALL “s”

Let’s begin with the uncanonized saints in our life -- the saints with the small “s” -- those people we describe as saints. “Oh she’s a real saint.” “He’s a saint.”

Who are those people? A neighbor?  An aunt? A fellow worker? A teacher? Someone you know who is just a good  person?

I think of my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister. I think of two priests I knew: Father Joe Hart and Father Joe McManus. All of these people are dead, but they were saints in my estimation.

What are the ingredients or the characteristics of a saint? What are our criteria? A quick 3 would be: 1) They are caring - giving and would do anything for you.  2) They are God centered. God is the central presence in their life - not an idea about God, but God. 3) Absence of negative stuff. The third idea would be just that. They are people who are not selfish or nasty or mean or self-centered.

SUGGESTION: COME UP WITH ONE

I would suggest that you come up with one person you know who is a saint. They can be living or dead. Talk over your results with those you know.

TONY

If I had to come up with one person I would pick a classmate of mine named Tony. He’s a saint. We always called him that and he is. He is a nice guy.

He was a civil engineer working in the streets and sewers of Philadelphia after he finished college and VMI. He was from New Jersey. He saw a notice in the vestibule of the church he went to on Sunday. “Volunteer needed to drive nuns on Sunday afternoon.” Tony loves football, but he volunteered a few times. Well one of the nuns asked him, “Did you ever think of becoming a priest?”

It got Tony thinking. He asked the nun what group  she would recommend. She said that the Redemptorists take care of the Neumann Shrine at Fifth and Girard in Philadelphia - were a good group.

Well one day he was working in the sewers and streets and he was all filled with mud and it was lunch time and he saw St. Peter’s so he dropped in right after his lunch to see if he could talk to a priest. Brother Hillary saw him and said, “Okay.” 

Hillary opened the door that led into the rectory and called down the corridor, “Some bum wants to see a priest. He probably wants a handout.”

Well, that’s exactly what Tony wanted: a handout. He wanted a piece of paper that described what the Redemptorists do.

He joined us. He was a bit older than all of us in our  class. He is a neat guy. A real gentleman. Good guy. A saint.

Near the end of his studies and right before he became a priest his hearing started to go, so they told him to learn sign language and that’s what he has been doing all his years as a priest.

For the last 50 or so years he has been doing work with the deaf in and around the Philadelphia area, Delaware and Southern NJ. Right not he's quite bent over with arthritis or something, but his spirit is young and stands tall.

SAINTS WITH A CAPITAL LETTER

And who would you pick for a favorite Saint with a capital letter, a canonized Saint.

Would it be St. Teresa of Avila who was a neat character, who had a real honest to goodness down to earth relationship with God. She could argue with God when praying. And when it came to others she was very blunt and open. She said in so many words, “Be careful of priests. There are a lot of dumb ones around.”

Would it be St. Thomas the Apostle who was famous for his doubts?

Would it be St. Peter who made lots of promises but broke them. He had a few good footprints on his tongue.

Would it be St. Augustine who kept putting off his conversion. “Lord, make me chaste, but not yet.”

Would it be St. Jerome who could be very stinging with his comments and his letters and still was a saint -- proving that a person who is quick tempered and nasty at times, still can be a saint. But I wonder if he would be canonized if he had to go through the process today.

Would it be St. Alphonsus who was scrupulous at different times in his life?

ST. CAMILLIS DE LELLIS

If I had to pick a favorite Saint with a capital “S” I would pick St. Camillis de Lellis. I’ve always liked him. It took him a long time to get going -- but when he finally did, he became a great Saint -- caring very deeply for the sick.

But he was a klutz -- taking forever for his cuts to heal body and soul.

I love the story when he visited this man who was sick and as he was leaning on the bed post, Camillis knocked the wooden top of the bed post off onto the man’s head - which gave him a gash -- making the man worse than before.

And one time saying mass he stepped on the alb, this white garment that a priest wears under the chasuble, and he fell down the stairs - causing all kinds of people to smile, knowing he was such a klutz.

We can all make it.

CONCLUSION

That’s my sermon. Two questions. Name a saint with a small “s” and a Saint with capital “S”.

Happy All Saints Day.

November 1, 2017

HOLY,  HOLY,   HOLY

Sometimes … if we become quiet,

if we stand on a beach with the ocean

rolling in - wave after wave after wave -

or if we just stand there and watch

autumn leaves parachuting to the ground -

or if we come back to that same spot in a

snow fall in late January, we  can hear

all of creation singing, “Holy, Holy, Holy,

Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus”, and it’s in

moments like these we realize all is Mass,

all is Sacrament - all is Holy, Holy, Holy, 

Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus, Heaven 

and earth are full of your glory - Hosanna in

the highest - Blessed is he - blessed is she.... 

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

GROANING  PAINS 

AND  GROWING  PAINS 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30^th Tuesday  in  Ordinary Time is, “Groaning Pains and Growing Pains.”

I’m taking that title and that idea from today’s first reading from Romans - when Paul says, “We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and  not only that, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.”

GROWTH IS PAINFUL - IT MAKES US GROAN

Last week we were up in New Jersey for a big meeting. We had the main speakers giving us the state of where we are speeches - what we need to face - changes that we have to make - where we’ve been and where we’re headed. We are aging and getting few new guys - unlike our provinces in South America, Africa and Asia.

Some stuff in life is tough to hear - and hard to face.

As I’ve heard from the aged population of this parish, getting old can be tough - and bring about whining and groaning.

As Bernie Bernsten used to say, “Old age is not for sissies.”

Last week - and in many big meetings in the past, I discovered that I learn the most in one to one conversations.

For example, one evening - after a big meeting was over - I was having a casual conversation with a classmate. He was telling me about what happened to him in our high school minor seminary. They had them back then.

He said there were 3 years in his life - when he was 15, 16, and 17, that his legs were killing him - all the time. He had been a really short kid - but during those 3 years he stretched - he grew - till he was 6 foot 2.  There was nobody there to tell him about growing pains.  This was the first time I ever thought about physical growing pains.  I don’t remember ever going through that kind of pain - or if I did, I didn’t know what was happening.

That conversation was last Wednesday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

It’s an obvious theme:   no pain no gain.

All growth comes with suffering and stretch.

Hunger teaches more than a full belly.

I went to a minor seminary for high school, so I never had the dating experience. Teenagers must  learn a lot of stuff - or they can learn a lot of stuff - from rejections, break ups, being dumped. I didn’t have that experience.

But we had the experience of making or not making the team or the play or the choir or what have you.  We had the experience of friends dropping out of the seminary and not deciding the life we were hoping for.

The priesthood is an automatic job. Get ordained and you’ll have work to do. So I never had the experience of job searching, interviews,  or not making a job. However,  come to think about it, my dream was Brazil and I never got that assignment.

TODAY’S GOSPEL

Today’s gospel talks about A mustard seed - being planted - and like all seed, it has to be broken, stretched, and struggle through hard dirt and earth.

Today’s gospel talks about bread making. The flour and the yeast has to be mixed and mushed, crushed and kneaded together, then baked and burned to become bread.

Life - so too us.

Learning is tough work. 

Experience can be the best teacher - that is, if one learns from their experiences.

Difficult experiences - we probably should say - are the best teachers.

Learning in classrooms can be great experiences - especially if we get tough teachers. Then there is the struggle with books and study, listening and homework, mistakes and learning from our mistakes.

We can learn from comparisons - comparing one teacher with another teacher - comparing one classmate with another classmate.

We can learn a lot from the classroom called others - experiencing acceptances and rejections - experiencing that others think, see, do, want differently than us.

I learn more from a sermon that flops in my opinion - than one that is soft and sweet.

I like to write - and I’ve had more rejection slips than acceptance letters.

Writing is the hard work of rewriting - improving the text - learning from rejections.

CONCLUSION

So that’s my homily thought. Growth comes with groaning. Come to think about it, didn’t Jesus say all this much better than what I just said in John 16:21, “A woman in childbirth suffers, because her time has come; but when she has given birth to her child she forgets the suffering in her joy that a child has been born into the world.” 

October 31, 2017

3 ACT PLAY

On my God, I think I’m in the beginning

of the 3^rd act in a  3 act play. I think ….

I know some of my  lines. I know the

other actors. I think I know the plot.

However, I still don’t know what the

ending is going to be like. Oh my God….

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

ON 

CARRYING  BAGGAGE 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30th Monday in Ordinary Time is, "On Carrying Baggage."

What are we carrying when we come to church or come to anywhere? What does our baggage weigh?  What does our baggage look like?

TODAY’S GOSPEL

In today’s gospel, here is a woman who is carrying a spirit for 18 years and it’s wearing her down. It drains her strength. She can’t stand tall. It's bending her in half.

Jesus sees her when he's in a synagogue teaching on a sabbath. Jesus calls her and puts his hand on her and heals her. She stands tall and thanks God.

Can we see ourselves as this woman?

What are we carrying? Is there anything we’re carrying that’s wearing us down? Is there anything we need to dump? Is there anything we need to let go of? Is there any stuff we’re carrying 18 days, 18 months, 18 years?

Coming to church is a good time to assess what we’re carrying and to weigh it all. Is there anything we need to dump? Let it go.

GREEN MONSTER

A bunch of years back, I went to Ireland and France with my two sisters and my brother-in-law. Well, my sister Peggy had this large green luggage bad.  It was like a big green golf bag. In it,  she had 10 pairs of shoes, 10 slacks, 10 this and 10 then. It was heavy -- very heavy -- and guess who had to carry it? The men.  Well, we dubbed it “The Green Monster.”

CLAIRE LAMAROUX

A bunch of years ago I heard a talk by a Claire Lamoroux. She said that everyone arrives everywhere with their baggage. Some have 10 or 20 suitcases; some travel much lighter.

I'm asking over and over again in this homilyl, How much are we carrying on our journey through life?

MAN WITH THE BAGGAGE

I once saw on television a Sunday morning rendition of the Sermon on the Mount. When it came to the part about “Enter by the narrow door” they showed a scene where a man is walking down the street with a back pack and a suitcase in each hand and another bag around his waist.

He stops at a door. The doorway was narrow. The door was only slightly open. He couldn’t fit in with all his stuff. He didn't place it on the ground. He shrugged his shoulders, came out of the doorway and continued walking down the street - bags in hand.

Then a small boy ran down the street and  ran right into that house through the narrow doorway.

In the background, you could hear, “Enter by the narrow way.”

CONCLUSION

Coming to church is a good time to see what baggage I'm carrying - and what I need to let go of.