THE POWER OF HUMOR

Quote for Today - February 21,  2013

"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor."

Eric Sevareid [1912-1992]

CAN PEOPLE CHANGE?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily  for this First Wednesday in Lent is, “Can People Change?”

I consider that question - “Can People Change?” - one of life’s biggest questions.  There are other big questions:

·        “Why do people self destruct?”

·        “Why suffering?”

·        “Why death now?”

·        “Why did this person love me and then stop   loving me?”

·        “Why do some people get it and others don’t?”

Those are some first draft questions. I’m sure on second draft, and twentieth draft, lots of thinking and rethinking, I’d have better big lifetime questions, but the clock was ticking and I had to come up with a homily for today.

I know however, my question for today, “Can People Change?”, would  be on every draft - because it’s a question I’ve been asking all my life.

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings trigger these thoughts - about this key question: “Can People Change”?

In today’s first reading from Jonah, we find out that the people of Nineveh changed. In the story of Jonah we know that he changed - but it wasn’t his doing. He was forced into being a preacher. He is called at times, “The Reluctant Prophet!” 

When God called him, he got in a boat and went the other way.

You know the story - and it’s an interesting story.

In today’s gospel we read about Jesus’ frustration with the people in his time - who want a sign - then perhaps they will change.

Jesus knew the human heart. Jesus knew people. Jesus knew that people work hard at coming up with excuses for not changing.

SO, CAN  PEOPLE CHANGE?

Can the person who is overweight, big time, change?

Can the person who is an alcoholic or drug addict change?

Can the person who is described as “always late” change their pattern and start to arrive 5 minutes early from now on?

Can the person who judges overweight people or people who are always late, change and stop judging.

12 STEP PROGRAMS

AA and other 12 step programs tackle this question up front and very early on.

The first of the 12 steps is to admit our powerlessness over an addiction whatever the area it is in: food, alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling.

THE KEY PRAYER

The key prayer in 12 step programs is a prayer developed by Reinhold Niebuhr - which you’re all familiar with. It’s called the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

CONCLUSION SELF

If we follow Jesus, we know he  teaches us to start with self. So we have to stop wanting everyone else to change  - and look in the mirror and see ourselves. 

"Physician change yourself!"

Spot those specks and logs in our own eye first!

We need to admit our powerlessness - get help - and in the meanwhile change what we can change in ourselves - one day at a time.

DOUBT AND BELIEF

Quote for Today - February 20, 2013

"There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking."

Alfred Korzybski [1879-1950]

BABBLE

OR CRYSTAL CLEAR?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this First Tuesday in Lent  is, “Babble or Crystal Clear?”

I was looking for a word that would go well - and sound well - as the opposite of “babble” but couldn’t find one. So I chose two words as the opposite of babble - that is, crystal clear.

So the title of my short homily is, “Babble or Crystal Clear?” And I hope this homily will be crystal clear.

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings are crystal clear.

In the first reading from Isaiah 55: 10-11 we hear the Lord saying - that his word goes forth from his mouth and it gets results. It is not empty words. It’s like rain and snow and seed. They go forth and then bring forth wheat which becomes bread.

In today’s gospel from Matthew 6:17 Jesus talks about babble. He must have heard a lot of babble prayer in his time. Then Jesus gives a clear - a crystal clear - way to pray. Pray the Our Father. Don’t babble it. Pray for daily bread and daily forgiveness.

TWO MOVIES

In the movie, My Cousin Vinny, which I love - having seen it or parts of it - at least 10 times - there is a scene when Vinny Gambini - who is a disaster as a lawyer up till  this scene says to Judge Chamberlain Haller about the prosecutor bringing in an automobile expert.

I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly to those who will give scientific evidence, so that we can properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as to give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.

Vinny had been studying all night and the prosecutor had told him this  right he had as defense lawyer as well. Judge Haller is totally surprised and says, Mr. Gambini? …. That is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.

Vinny says, “Thank you, Your Honor.

Then the Judge says, “Overruled.”

What hits people seeing the movie is Judge Chamberlain Haller’s statement: “That is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.”  Up till then Vinny - in his first case as a lawyer - is totally a confused disaster.

The second movie scene is another court room scene. It’s in the movie A Few Good Men - when Jack Nicholson as Colonel Nathan R. Jessep says to the young lawyer, Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee, “We follow orders, son. We follow orders or people die. It’s that simple. Are we clear?” 

Tom Cruise as Kaffee says, “Yes, sir.” 

Colonel Jessep barks out again, “Are we clear?”

Kaffee says, “Crystal.”

CONCLUSION

Both those movie scenes came to mind when I thought about the crystal clear message found in today’s readings. It would be wonderful if our prayers and our forgiveness of others - were crystal clear - lucid - intelligent - and well thought out - and not babble. 

If it’s all  babble, perhaps we really didn’t pray or we really didn’t down deep forgive the other. But if it’s lucid and crystal clear - then we can trust there will be results coming out of our prayer - and results of our forgiving another person - just as rain and snow and seed bring forth daily bread to our world. Amen.

GETTING OVER THE HUMP

Quote for Today - February 19, 2013

"The camel never sees its own hump; but its neighbor's hump is ever before its eyes."

Arab Proverb

HOLINESS:

SPELL IT OUT FOR ME

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this First Monday in Lent is, “Holiness: Spell It Out For Me!”

Today’s first reading begins this way: “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Speak to the whole Israelite community and tell them: Be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy.'”

God is saying, “Tell the folks to be holy!”

If Moses stopped there we might ask, “Okay, now tell me how to be holy? Spell it out for me.” Or we might say, “For example. Give me some examples on how to be holy.” Or we might say, “That’s like telling kids when we’re going out for the evening and leaving them home alone, ‘Be good.’”

Too vague. Give me a list of do’s and don’ts. Maybe one specific could be a good Lenten Resolution.

TODAY’S READINGS

Surprise today’s readings spell it out for us. Today’s readings give a list of do’s and a list of don’ts. Let me make that my homily.

FIRST THE DON’TS

Don’t steal.

Don’t lie.

Don’t speak falsely to another.

Don’t swear falsely using my name.

Don’t defraud.

Don’t rob your neighbor.

Don’t withhold overnight the wages of your day laborer.

Don’t curse the deaf.

Don’t put a stumbling block in front of the blind.

Don’t  act dishonestly in rendering judgment.
Don’t show  partiality to the weak nor deference to the mighty
Don’t go about spreading slander among your kin.
Don’t stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake.
Don’t bear hatred for your brother in your heart.
Don’t incur sin because of him – even if you have correct him or her.
Don’t take revenge or cherish a grudge against your fellow countrymen.

NOW THE DO’S – THE LIST IS SHORTER

Judge others justly

You shall love your neighbor as yourself

Feed the hungry.

Give the thirsty something to drink.

Welcome the stranger.

Clothe the naked.

Care for the sick.
Visit those in prison.

 CONCLUSION

There they are.

We all know the KISS principle in public speaking. Keep It Simple Stupid.

If you want the above lists on how to be holy to be even more simple here are some shorter versions - but notice they move to the general - compared to the specifics mentioned above:

       “Love one another.”

       “Keep the Golden Rule.”

       “Be a sheep; don’t be a goat.”

       “Cause heaven; don’t cause hell!”

       "Do good; avoid evil."

       "Build; don't destroy!"

       "Cause happiness; not hate!"

THE GREAT,

"IF I WERE POPE"
QUESTIONNAIRE.

It was the 100^th ballot and still there was no pope.

The Las Vegas and London betting establishments had long given up on just what ballot the white smoke would billow out of the small pipe on the roof of the Vatican - indicating, “Habemus papam!”

The well over 100 Cardinals could not break the deadlock. There were at least 10 horses in the race and nobody would budge ballot after ballot.

Finally after the 100^th ballot and still no pope, someone said, “Why not ask the Church what they want - because it seems we are not in agreement on what and who we want.”

At that, someone said, “You’re kidding! We never did that before!”

At that someone off to the side said, “Well it took us 700 years for another pope to step down and retire.”

“Well,” the first someone said, “Why don’t we put out a questionnaire and ask people to list 10 "must" qualifications they would like to see in a pope?”

Surprise! That’s what they did. Instead of white smoke indicating “Habemus papam!” out came a “We have a questionnaire!”

In the meanwhile the more than 100 cardinals took a 2 week break - no press allowed - no politicking allowed - no lobbying allowed. They were exhausted and some of these men were old men.

In came responses - millions and millions and millions of responses and suggestions - from all over the world - in all the languages of the world. Catholics are everywhere.

Seminarians and Sisters in Rome - under strict secrecy - were asked to sit there - open up the envelopes and put the enclosed questionnaires in piles of 100 - based on language only.

The suggestions - the recommendations -  were interesting, different, surprising, enlightening, and definitely a unique way of doing this.

The cardinals came back and spent three weeks reading and discussing these “must” qualifications from all over the world. Then it happened. They came up with a pope on the 101^st ballot.

The qualifications sheets were all shredded - but there was a leak. It happens every time. 

The last pope’s former butler - who was new to the job - discovered in a top drawer - in one of the rooms - a short list of qualifications  that some cardinal must have jotted down from the various lists. Why? We don’t know. Some of them had circles around them - some had notes like “You’re kidding!” Some had exclamation points and question marks. Some had stars. One had an "Uh oh!" on it.

This list got out. Someone screamed for an investigation. The new pope, who was not going to have a butler or a maid, calmly said, "Relax!"

So here's the list that some think one cardinal simply jotted down from lots of different lists:

·        Must be under 64 years of age.

·        Must be from a second or third world country.

·        Must have shopped in a grocery store or supermarket at least 37 times in their life.

·        Must come from a large family.

·        Must know the luminous mysteries of the Rosary.

·        Must be married.

·        Must declare for the next 2000 years the church will only have women priests and God will be called “She” - to see how women will do with the church compared to what men did for the past 2000 years.

·        Must know 15 parables of Jesus by heart - can explain the story in one’s own words - and how it has worked out in one's life.

·        Must have a sense of humor.

·        Must put an end to all the hats - and expensive pageantry type garments for liturgy and worship.

·        Must speak at least 2 languages.

·        Must know and have talked to someone who has a family member who is gay, someone who has committed suicide, someone who has had an abortion.

·        Must have taught religious education to kids under 10 years of age.

·        Must have been a leader in a labor union, or at a school, parish, or neighborhood.

·        Must be a good listener

•     Must have skills in compromising, building solidarity, and consultation.

·        Must be someone who when receiving complaints about someone’s theology or outlook on life - that complaint be sent back to the complainer or if no signature - shred it. If there is a signature and address, then ask both parties, "Do they want to sit down together and hear each other’s stories?"

·        Come up with new ways of selecting the pope and bishops - maybe eliminating cardinals - or what have you.

·        Must call a new World Council that will be held in a 3^rd World Country - and the whole Church is to be involved in the process. This council will have to address how to better help the poor of the world - abuse in all its forms - peace efforts - marriage improvements - how to encourage having more children over more stuff - greater dialogue with all religions and with people of no religion - the shortage of nuns, brothers and priests - and the many creative ways to build up the Body of Christ.

So on the 101^st Ballot - white smoke arose from the small chimney in the Vatican.

The small crowd  in St. Peter’s Square - mostly press - were surprised when they saw the smoke.

They began yelling, “Habemus papam” into their cell phones - and to each other. Then - as they saw who the new pope was - their chant switched to “Habemus mama! Habemus mama!” 

Our new pope was a woman.  She was a 56 year old widow and grandmother from Paraguay in South America. She spoke Spanish, Guarani and some Portuguese. She raised 8 children - had 36 grand kids - and had worked as a community organizer in her small city in Paraguay. And as Pope or Mother she kept her own name - her baptismal name.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2013