MARRIAGE:

ANY REGRETS

Quote for Today - January 23, 2013


"Love lives in sealed bottles of regret."


Sean O'Faolain, "The Jungle of Love," in Saturday Evening Post, August 13, 1966



Question: Regrets? Talk to each other. Maybe!

MARRIAGE:

LOOKING IN 

THE SAME DIRECTION

Quote for Today - January 22, 2013

"When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction."

Ginger Rogers, quoted by Dotson Rader, "I Don't Want to Live Without Love, in Parade, March 8, 1987



P.S. Agree or disagree?  If agree, when does this happen in your marriage or love, and was there a specific thing that happened to trigger this?

MARRIAGE:

BEEN THROUGH WITH

Quote for Today - January 21, 2013

"A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has 6 children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: 'Love is what you've been through with somebody.'"

James Thurber, Life, March 14, 1960

 A 5 MINUTE HOMILY 

ON MARRIAGE 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 2^nd Sunday in Ordinary Time C is, “A 5 Minute Homily on Marriage.”

I’d like to make a few reflections on Marriage because today’s gospel - the miracle at the  Wedding Feast of Cana is on marriage. Today, we’re also we’re into the week on Church Unity and the basic unit of Church and World is marriage and the family.

I’m making it 5 minutes because I just read the Archdiocesan campaign announcement/letter.

5 GIFTS

Today’s second reading talks about the Christian community of Corinth having people with different gifts - with different forms of service. Paul talks about that reality in a few places in his letters.

Here is some homework for today or this week. If you are married write down 5 gifts you see your spouse has. Then swap lists with each other. Surprise …. If he or she is gone, still do it - and thank God for the gifts you experienced. If you’re not married, you got extra work, write down 5 gifts you saw in your mom and 5 gifts in your dad - and thank God for them - and if they are alive thank them.

Next write down 5 gifts you see that you have. Then do an examination of conscience how well you’re using your gifts.

5 REALITIES

More homework ….

Next write down 5 realities of marriage. The first reading begins with the words, “For Zion’s sake I will not be silent, for Jerusalem’s sake, I will not be quiet.”

For marriage’s sake put a voice and some words to  5 realities of marriage.

Here would be my quick 5:

1) It’s work - good marriages don’t just happen. People have to work to make them happen.

2) It’s sacrifice - be aware of sins of omission.

3) People change - expect it.

4) Listen to what is being said and not said.

5) Make a cheat sheet - and keep it handy - like in your wallet. It should have your list of key 3 word sentences that are regularly needed to make a marriage work. For example here is a short list: I  forgive you. I am sorry. I blew it. I hurt you. I love you. I need you. I trust you. Please forgive me. Thank you hon. [If you’re from Baltimore.]

5 MOMENTS  OF EMPTINESS

Today’s gospel story of the Wedding Feast of Cana tell us the story about the couple who run out of wine at their wedding and Mary saves the day by calling on Jesus.

Jot down 5 times in your marriage when you felt the wine ran out in your marriage. Bring your marriage to the Mother of Jesus and Jesus in prayer and ask for a refill. Tell each other the stories - unless a specific story would destroy the other.

It could be a family fight and your spouse didn’t back you. It could be alcoholism itself.  It could be a mistake. It could be a broken secret. It could be comments about weight. It could be about how one is treating or not treating the kids. Check it out. It’s your marriage.

Name it. Shame it. Pray about it. Bring it to Mary’s altar, the holy family altar, and to Jesus.

5 QUOTES ABOUT MARRIAGE.

I have a dozen quote books and when I looked up marriage, many of the quotes were digs and put downs about marriage. I looked for positive up lifting quotes - so here are 5 in my 5 minute homily.

1) “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb.  It isn’t something you get.  It’s something you do.  It’s the way you love your partner every day.” Barbara De Angelis

2) “The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.” Peter De Vries

3) “Don’t discuss important matters with the television on.” Or as Ann Landers put it: “Television has proved that people will look at anything but each other.”

4) “One’s family is the most important thing in life.  I look at it this way: One of these days I’ll be over in a hospital somewhere with four walls around me. And the only people who’ll be with me will be my family.” Robert C. Byrd, U.S. Senator, New York Times, March 27, 1977

5) “The most ancient and universal symbol of the marriage union was holding hands. In many cultures a couple could not hold hands until they were officially wed.  Even if a wedding contained no verbal vows, the simple act of holding hands was often enough to make the marriage valid. And since antiquity, holding hands, if only to exchange rings, has been part of almost every marriage service on earth. Today we have rings, legal certificates, and vows to show the world a couple is married, but the natural, affectionate hand holding by a couple in love still says much more.” Howard Kirschenbaum and Rockwell Stensrud

BRIEF 5 PRAYER CONCLUSION

1) Lord, thank you for our parents who brought us into this world.

2) Lord, bless those here who are married. May this moment today be one more blessed wake up call - that they experience miracles - water becoming an overflow of wine - the ordinary becoming extraordinary and then some more.

3) Lord, be with those who have lost a spouse through death. Give them sweet memories and deep gratitude.

4) Lord, help those whose marriages have fallen apart. Mess is also part of life. Sometimes things don’t just work out. Mistakes happen. Sin happens. Love disappears. Miracles of recovery are needed.

5) Lord, bless the children and the generations to come that they will see in us - living images of Christ - gifts to our world. 

OOOOOOO

Painting on top: By Carol Ann Waldron, Irish Painter

MARRIAGE

Quote for Today - January 20, 2013


"One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you maybe fall in again."

Judith Viorst, in "What Is This Thing Called Love?" Redbook, February 1975

P.S. Avoid that "maybe". 

SYMPATHY: 

ON A SCALE 
OF 1 TO 10?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Sympathy: On A Scale Of 1 To 10?”

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how sympathetic am I?

That’s a self test I hear in today’s 2 readings.

When we’re in the box - or a jar -  if that’s what they will have us in if we’re cremated, will someone at our wake or in the homily or in the eulogy describe us as sympathetic?

I WOULD HOPE

I would hope so.

I would hope  the more we hear the scriptures, the more sympathetic - not pathetic - we would become.

I would hope the more we receive communion - the Word becoming flesh  - bread and wine becoming Christ  - so as to enter deeper into communion with us - becoming us - the more we will have sympathy - communion - community - with each other.

I would hope the longer we live - the more mistakes we make - the more times we were wrong in our judgments about others - the more we can laugh at ourselves - and be with each other - and not separate ourselves from others - by body distance - by labels - by words made out of sandpaper - that rub each other the wrong way.

TODAY’S FIRST READING

Right there in today’s first reading is this message of sympathy.

The author of Hebrews in today’s first reading says the word is living. It’s effective. It’s sharper than any two edged sword. It penetrates between soul and spirit - bones and marrow. It cuts. It challenges us to discern our reflections - the inner conversations of the human heart.

The author of Hebrews in today’s first reading in describing Jesus as our high priest brags about him. Listen again to the words:

“Since we have a great high priest

who has passed through the heavens,
Jesus, the Son of God,
let us hold fast to our confession.
For we do not have a high priest
who is unable to sympathize

with our weaknesses,
but one who has similarly

been tested in every way,
yet without sin.”

Notice the word “sympathy”. It means with feelings - with sensitivity - with compassion - with awareness of what the other is going through.

It’s a literal translation of the Greek word “sympatheia” in the text.

At the end of our life will we be whining inwardly, “If I had to do it all over again, this time I would do it with more feeling - with more understanding - with more compassion? That’s what sympathy means.

Why did the crowds crowd at Jesus - encircle Jesus - reach out to touch him. Why did they eat him up? Answers: He spoke their language. He talked about the Golden Rule. He talked about a father who had two sons and one broke communion with him and left and messed up. Yet the father welcomed him back and organized a meal to celebrate his home coming. The story is about a father with sympathy. His heart was broken when the youngest son left, then healed when he came back, and was then broken again - when the older son wouldn’t come to the banquet - refused communion with father and brother. Jesus healed children. He told about being a good Samaritan. He welcomed people with leprosy and people with sin.

TODAY’S GOSPEL

In today’s gospel he calls Levi, a tax collector, the son of Alpheus  - who then invites Jesus to his house for dinner to meet his friends. The Scribes and the Pharisees saw Jesus eating with these sinners and tax collectors and asked the question to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

And Jesus overhearing them says, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.”

Incarnation means to eat and be with others in their stories - walking in their sins and moccasins  - grasping each other.

CONCLUSION

I don’t know about you, but my problem is having sympathy with those who don’t get that. I scratch my head when I overhear people complain about people who come to Mass in shorts or they have a  short list of people who can be with Jesus  in communion.

That’s where I need more sympathy. I’m assuming when we get to heaven - please God -  when we get to the big banquet - the big dinner in heaven - we’re going to be surprised.

Please God we won’t be like the older brother and refuse to sit next to certain people in heaven. Why? Well, because communion is heaven. The Trinity is 3 Persons in Communion with Each Other - who  have invited into their mystery, their dance, their union, us and billions and billions and billions and billions more - all of us becoming the Great Dance [perichoresis (1) in Greek - notice the word  “chorus” in there - perichoresis being another one of those mysterious words for the Trinity] a symphony of sympathy - especially for us who can’t dance or sing. Listen to the Music of God. Listen to the Dance of God. The older brother heard the music and the dance - asked what it was - but didn’t enter into it. [Cf. Luke 15:25-26]

NOTES

(1) Check out in Google, “Perichoresis” a term meaning “clinging together” in reference to the Trinity started by Gregory of Nazianzus.

SATYAGRAHA

Quote for Today - January 19, 2013

"The term Satyagraha was coined by me ... in order to distinguis it from the movement then going on ... under the name of Passive Resistance.

"Its root meaning is 'holding on to truth,' hence 'force of righteousness.'  I have also called it love force or soul force. In the application of Satyagraha, I discovered in the earliest stages that pursuit of truth did not permit violence being inflicted on one's opponent, but that he must be weaned from error by patience and sympathy. For what appears truth to the one may appear to be error to the other. And patience means self-suffering. So the doctrine came to mean vindication of truth, not by the infliction of suffering on the opponent, but on one's self."

Mohandas Karamchand [Mahatma] Gandhi [1869-1948] in Defense against charge of sedition [March 23, 1922]. 

I found the above quote in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. It's  from Mahatma [Great Soul] Gandhi and has a footnote that points the following words from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

"Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

Martin Luther King Jr. in his Speech Accepting the Nobel Peace Prize [December 11, 1964]