FAIR!
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily for this Friday of The First Week of Lent is,
“Fair!”
In today’s first reading from Ezekiel there is a sentence
that stopped me. It’s this: “You say, ‘The Lord’s way is not fair!’”
I said to myself, “Andrew, put together your own thoughts on the issue
of fairness. Try to get a handle on the "It's Not Fair!" syndrome.
Then it struck me: everyone of us here has to deal with the
issue of fairness.
So what’s your take on the question of fairness. How many times in your life have you said to
others, “It’s not fair”? How many times
have you said to God, “It’s not fair”? How many times have you screamed inwardly - perhaps even with a smile on your face, "It's not fair!"
Then I did some thinking about fairness. I have a solution -
but before I get to it, let me give some examples.
EXAMPLES
Someone retires. They worked and worked and worked. They
raised kids. Finally they had their last commute and are now off on their own. Their kids had a good college
education. Mom and dad paid a good bit of it. Mom by a job - a second career
after momdom. Dad by hard work to move up on the job ladder. Both mom and dad retire
and the house is paid for. There is money in the bank. Now they are going to
travel. Ugh - cancer creeps into the story and one spouse is dead in 11 months.
“It’s not fair!”
Mom and dad made sure their 5 kids went to Catholic School.
Three went to Catholic
Colleges. Two didn't. Only one out
of 5 go to Mass on a regular basis - one who went to a State College. Two kids are divorced. Mom and dad still go
to church and see young people there with their families. It becomes a weekly
reminder of “What did we do wrong?” as well as, “It’s not fair!” “It’s not
supposed to happen this way.”
As priest I hear those 2 scenarios many times.
UNDERNEATH
As I thought about fairness I have a big question. It’s this: Is the question of fairness
underneath much of our anger and frustration in life and all through life?
Is this sitting in every classroom - when it comes to marks?
Does everyone think that outside every school - church - home - place of work - the statue of Justice stands - blindfolded - with the scales of justice hanging there - instead of the Cross?
Is this question and statement of, "It's not fair!" sitting in every football or basketball game: I
practice my butt off and this other kid who never really practices ends up starting and staring every time? Or is it sitting in the stands in the bodies of parents when
they watch kids who are doing much better than their kids? You can almost hear parents and players
saying, “The coach is putting that kid in because his father is always
screaming or is a big donator or what have you.” The referee or umpire is giving the home team
break after break after break.
Is this issue of fairness sitting there every Christmas when
it comes to kids and gifts? Is this the elephant in the room - the elephant
called, “Comparisons”?
Is this question part of every time I look in the mirror?
Is this heart and soul in political advertisements and
speeches? It’s not fair what this
politician is doing or pushing. Political
pro’s know what the buttons are - and the fairness issue is a major
issue.
So is the fairness question underneath us all our lives?
SOLUTION
Here’s what hit me last night as I thought about all this. I
think Jesus took the fairness issue off the table. I think Jesus simply came along and said,
“Stop saying, ‘It’s not fair!’ and just take it off the table.”
Just pick it up like a piece of paper - take it off the
table - and rip it up and put it out of your life.
And the more I thought about this last night, I think Jesus
had it with the fairness question. He was spotting it - he was hearing it over
and over again. So he said, “Enough already. Put the fairness question out of
your life.”
“Wait a minute!” You might say. “When did Jesus erase the
fairness question?”
Good question.
He said it over and over again.
He said it, when he said, “The last shall be first and the
first shall be last.”
He said it, when the Prodigal Son comes home - after ruining
the family name and losing his part of the family inheritance - and the father
takes him back into the loving embrace of his arms and family -
unconditionally. And what’s the older brother’s complaint. “After all I’ve done
around here. After all your son did out there. I won’t welcome him home.”
Translation: “Not fair!”
He said it when he said to turn the other cheek, go the
extra mile, give the shirt off your back.”
He said it loud and clear - with no need for translation -
in his great parable of the workers in the vineyard. The last to get paid, after
working the whole day, having seen those who just worked an hour, figured they
are going to get more. They all get the same pay -and those who worked the
whole day screamed. “It’s not fair!”
BOTTOM LINE: IT’S ME,
ME AND ME.
If I have it correct, what’s happening down at the bottom of
all this is that it’s all about me - and that’s the me that has to die. I have
expectations. I have a vision. I have the plan. I have the way. I have the
truth how things should happen. I know what’s fair!
Hello! There are others - and there are other ways of seeing,
doing, planning, expecting how different situations should happen.
SOLUTIONS
So the solution is simply to remove the “It’s not fair!”
comment from our vocabulary. Just take it off the table. Just rip it up. Put it
out of one’s life.
One of my favorite quotes - and I love to quote it -
especially because I heard it and made it my own by putting it into practice.
It’s something Thornton Niven Wilder [1897-1975] said in his 1941 play, The Skin of Our Teeth: “My advice to you is not to inquire why or
whiter, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate - that’s my
philosophy.”
It’s when we start looking at other people’s plate that the
fairness question pops up. They got more - or they got some cake - and it’s a
corner piece which has more frosting - and I only got ice cream and it’s not as
much on my plate as yours. Not fair.
Haven’t we all experiencing the following? Mom and dad take
their 3 kids going to Storm Brothers or Kirwin Ice Cream in Annapolis. Each can have 2 scoops of whatever
flavor they want. They get their cones. Two of the kids are standing there in
Ego Alley enjoying every cold sugary lick. The other kid is not tasting his ice
cream as he licks it. He’s angry or frustrated that he didn’t get what his
sister gets. It looks so much better than what he got.
I’m diabetic. I have ice cream about 4 times a year - sugar
free. But sugar free ice cream has some sugar in it - I’m sure - even though
they use artificial sweetener. I loved ice cream all my life - but when I got
diabetes, that was it. Now I can stand there and stew and feel sad for myself -
or I can bring out the peanut butter jar and spread it and some butter on rye
bread - preferably cold butter - but not too much bread. Carbs turn to sugar.
I’m not stupid enough to tell those who lost their spouse
not to say, “It’s not fair.” I know it takes time and then some. I hope they
can also enjoy the memories - and to be
grateful that your spouse didn’t have to go through the pain of loss they feel
right now. Sure it will hit them when they see couples dancing, holding hands, being
together at church and socials, etc. etc. etc. Hopefully, the day will come
when they take the “It’s not fair!” comment off the table and enjoy the
memories and what they are doing in the present moment, with great gratitude if
possible.
Be who you is, because if you be who you ain’t, then you ain’t
who you is.
Enjoy what you have, because if you think it’s unfair that
you don’t have what you think you should have, you still don’t have what you haven’t
got.
CONCLUSION
In the meanwhile I wonder if people can change and do just
this - that is if they don’t do it now. Can they take the “It’s not fair!” game
off the table?
I’ll close with a tiny story I wrote for the last issue of
the Redemptorist magazine, Plentiful
Redemption. It’s a totally made up story. The only thing true in it is the
bumper sticker - that triggered my imagination and my hopes for people. I hope these things can happen. The title of the story is, "At The Red Light."
AT THE RED LIGHT
Sometimes a red light seems like it takes forever.
Sometimes she didn’t dare to play music in her car. A love
song from the past would drive her to tears and to anger. So she just sat there
in a silent car with nothing but her own thoughts.
Sometimes a red light seems like it takes forever.
She looked in the rear view mirror and the couple in the car
behind her were laughing - laughing - laughing. She couldn’t hear them, but she
could see they were laughing.
It was a life changing moment - that very moment at that red
light.
She had heard about such moments. Just last week at Mass she
even prayed for such a moment. She had been angry for 3 years and 3 months now - ever since he walked out on her
- for another woman. Everyone said, “Get a good lawyer. Better: get the best
lawyer. Soak him. Teach him a lesson!”
She did and she made him pay. “Hey,” she thought, “I have
this brand new car. I never had one of these before - especially when the kids
were still with us and hadn’t gone off to college with their bills. Then they
drove off into their own lives.”
But a good car, a house that was paid for, money, helped,
but nothing was a substitute for sitting in a car with another - your husband -
laughing and traveling the roads or life together.
Sometimes a red light seems like it takes forever.
Just then she spotted a bumper sticker on the car in front
of her. It had just 3 words, “Life is good!”
The light turned green. It was then and there - in that split second - under that light
that she decided, “Enough’s enough! From now on I’m going to enjoy life.”
And that she did for the rest of her life - and after that
she never ever minded red lights - even if sometimes they seem like they take
forever.
