FORGIVENESS
SKILLS
September 13, 2011
Quote for Today
"Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgiveable?"
John D. MacDonald
Question: what is unforgiveable?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
HUGS
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily for this 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time A is, “Hugs!”
I don’t know if I ever preached on the topic or theme of hugs, but the first sentence in today’s first reading jumped out and off the page from moment one - as I sat down to prepare this homily.
Here’s the sentence: “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.” [Sirach 27:30.]
Hear that sentence again: “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.” [Sirach 27:30.]
Great - interesting - imaginative - translation from the Greek by the New American Bible. It’s the translation we use at Mass. I checked out 7 other translations. None used the word “hug.” The New Revised Standard Version, which has the reputation for one of the best in accuracy, has, “a sinner holds onto to them.” I like “hugs”. I think it has a good hug on what the author is getting at.
SEPTEMBER 11th
I live with 9 other priests here at St. Mary’s in Annapolis and about 5 times this past week guys were asking each other at table, “Are you going to preach on September 11?”
By the time Friday rolled around, someone said, “The readings are very challenging. They talk about forgiveness. Imagine forgiveness as a theme for September 11th - forgiving not 7 times, but 77 times.”
Television, the newspapers, radio, magazines - the talk shows - are giving some powerful reflections and remembrances by all sorts of people about how September 11th changed the United States - how it changed the world - how it changed our lives.
I picked up that the question is not, “Where were you on September 11th? But: how did September 11th change you and change our life?”
I was wondering if that will happen with the earthquake question. It’s still, “Where were you when the earthquake happened?” Will the question become, “Did it change our lives?” I don’t think so, but I do think the recent 9.0 March 15, 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan will continue to earthquake many of the lives of the people there.
SURPRISE - CHANGE - THINGS ARE OUT OF OUR CONTROL
Is one of life’s most important learnings: I am not in control?
We can learn that from all the rain - the hurricanes - the weather - fires - the earthquake - nature in all its power and surprises.
We can learn that from each other. I can’t control my kids - especially once they are in college and after college - and whom they are living with - and whether they go to church or what have you.
We’ve all heard horror stories of a spouse saying to a spouse: “I’m out of here!”
We can also learn this from when the surprise of cancer or any heavy duty health problem or disaster that surprises us.
HUGGING WRATH AND ANGER
Once more the first reading begins: “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.”
The most basic reaction to horrendous happenings like storms or fire or rain or earthquake or divorce or death or what have you is: anger, wrath, hate, fear, fury, rage.
I hate it when I can’t control it.
And do we stand there hugging ourselves like this - [self-hug gesture] - because we’re so angry or so powerless - or so frustrated.
And do some people who are burnt, earthquaked, ruined, washed out, flooded, destroyed, hug their anger and wrath against God or life or others - for the rest of their lives?
Bitter is not better. Better is better. Best is when the power comes back.
I remember being stationed at a retreat house in Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania from 1976 till 1984. People came on retreat who still hadn’t gotten over the 1972 hurricane Agnes. That one was a big wipeout of many people in the Wyoming Valley, Pennsylvania. This all came back to me as I watched the evening news the other night. People in West Pittston, Wilkes Barre, Forty Fort, Pennsylvania were shown staring at their flooded homes.
I think of all those who lost loved ones in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, the Pentagon and at the World Trade Center Towers in New York.
Today - this past week - this coming week - the future - how are all the families who lost loved ones doing with so many reminders?
I hope people have been hugging each other and holding onto each other - as well as helping each other to start again and again and again.
That September 11th, 2001 a lot of people screamed, ran, panicked, as well as hugged each other - total strangers needing help from total strangers.
Down deep we all know the truth of the 1964 song, “People.” "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."
I hope people who have lost loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan are also helping and hugging each other - to give each other strength and support in dealing with the horror of decisions and the circumstances of war. If September 11th hadn’t happened, many would still be alive. If September 11th hadn't happened, what would our economy look like now? If September 11th hadn’t happened, what would our world look like now?
Anniversaries trigger “if questions”.
September 11 happened. Decisions were made. People were killed.
I was at a non-church wedding in New York City a year before September 11th. It was a cousin’s kid and she and the guy she was marrying didn’t want any religion etc. in the wedding ceremony. We went. The seats were taken in the row my sisters were in, so I sat in the row in front of them. Surprise. I notice a priest is sitting there too. I found out that he was my cousins’ sponsor in AA or vice versa. I introduced myself - but I don’t remember names.
At the end of the ceremony he leaned over with a smile and made one comment to me. The only Bible reading they picked for their ceremony had the word “God” in it, Most translations of that Bible text don’t have the word God in it - because it’s not in the Greek - but the one they selected did. It was the Love is patient, love is kind, text from 1st Corinthians 13. This priest whispered to me, “God sneaks in every time.”
It was a great line and I used it for a homily title and message for a big school Mass here on our lawn the following week.
Just after September 11, a year later, my sister calls and tells me that Father Mychal Judge was killed. Then she adds, “He was the guy who sat next to you at Ann’s wedding.”
I also found out that the husband of another cousin’s kid - whose marriage I had done in a church - was one of the firemen who carried Father Mychal Judge’s body to St. Peter’s Catholic Church and put it on the altar. I also found out that Shawn Edward Bowman of Cantor Fitzgerald, age 28, the grandson of my god-father, Ernest, died that day.
I didn’t know these people that well - yet I wonder like everyone else - how well have all the living of those who lost loved ones that day doing? How well have they learn to deal with the horror stories of life?
FORGIVENESS
The theme in today’s first reading and gospel is forgiveness.
Did the servant in today’s gospel hug his master when he forgave him his huge debt? The gospel only says he did him homage.
He might not have hugged his master - because the gospel for today says he went out and didn’t forgive a fellow servant who owed him a tiny bit in comparison.. He didn’t do what his master had done for him. He had the guy who owed him money put in prison till he got his money back.
And you heard and you know the kick in the teeth in this story.
The community screamed about injustice and told the master about what this guy did. And Jesus tells us in this story that the master reneged on the forgiveness and lowered the boom on the unforgiving servant.
And the obvious message is that we can be like that man - having our trespasses forgiven - but not forgiving when we are trespassed against. We can go through life holding onto hurts and memories - hugging lots of stuff - anger, wrath, greed, envy, unforgiveness, selfishness.
And the obvious message for our world is that we need to forgive those who hurt us - including extremists.
This doesn’t mean we don’t stay vigilant and take off our shoes at the airport - and report suspicious stuff. But it does mean that our world needs to do what the world did that week and month or so after September 11, 2001. We were talking turkey together with Russia and China about working together to try to stop this from happening again. Then we went back to old divisions. We were in a world where the Berlin Wall had come down - and a new world division went up - with Muslims - a wall not made out of brick - but made of suspicion, lack of trust - fear - war - terrorism.
CONCLUSION - MAKING DECISIONS
I better conclude. I better try to bring home something practical for you this morning.
Bring what?
When someone comes to me as priest with a problem - or what have you - I usually tell folks something I learned from a Sister Maureen McCann in a talk she gave many, many years ago. She is Sister of Mercy from Dallas, Pennsylvania. She said life has 3 steps: Illusion, Disillusionment and Decision.
The dinner we choose at the restaurant looks great on the menu - some menus even show a picture. Then the plate is placed before us.
Sometimes it’s not what we expected. It’s not how we pictured it. It was an illusion. As we cut it up and chew, it might have gristle, etc. We’re disillusioned. Everyone around us chose better. It’s decision time. Am I going to fold my arms in anger and frustration and want to send it back or send a message to the waitress with my face or grunts, so she’ll tell the chef that there is a customer on table 13 that is steamed? Or do we make a decision to enjoy or make the most of with what’s on our plate.
The person we married isn’t all that they cracked up to be. It was an illusion. Life has disillusionment. He or she might be better than expected - but sometimes couples tell me they had to go through a tough period there. And they had to make a decision. Hey in our vows we promised each other to each other for life - for better for worse .... And surprise, sometimes they discover the second decision, renewed and revisited vows to make their marriage work, makes it work.
What we think of life, how it was going to work for us, was an illusion. When we find ourselves disillusioned, then we need to make some big decisions.
What we think of Islam, what they think of us, is an illusion.
What we think preachers ought to say on September 11th is our illusion. Sermons can be a disillusion. Hopefully, the sermon contains something that will challenge those who are listening to it to make some decisions.
As preacher I know it's an illusion to think that everyone is listening. I know I'm often somewhere else. However, my hope, my fantasy, is that a lot of people are talking to each other today - about their take on all this - where they need to forgive others or understand others better - give each other a good hug and then move on to the next step in one's life - together. Amen.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Photo on Top: Getty Images - "NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 11: Nancy Gregory, hugs her sons Carl, left, and Gregory as they pay their respects to her husband firefighter Ken Kumpel at the National 9/11 Memorial during the tenth anniversary ceremonies of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks at the World Trade...." I copied both picture and text from the Internet.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)