WHAT DO I DO,
WHEN I DON’T GET
WHAT I WANT?
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily is, “What Do I Do When I Don’t Get What I Want?”
What do I do when I don’t get what I want?
We know what some little kids do. They scream. They stomp their feet. They make a scene. “I want my mommy and I want her now!” “I want ice cream and I want it now – just like the ice cream cone that kid there has!”
What do we big kids do when we don’t get what we want – and when we want it – like right now? “Where’s the heck is the waitress?!!!”
TODAY’S GOSPEL
Today’s gospel [Luke 10:38-42] gives the first of the two famous Martha-Mary stories in the Gospels. The second story is the one when their brother Lazarus dies and they send for Jesus. [Cf. John 11]
Let’s look at today’s gospel story of Jesus visiting Martha and Mary.
It seems – based on the first reading – that the theme for today’s readings is hospitality. I began reflecting on that – and I’ve preached on that using these readings. [Cf. Genesis 18:1-10a]
Then the thought hit me about what do I do when I don’t get what I want?
My first answer is: it all depends.
It all depends on the situation – how much time I have – and it all depends on what it is that I’m not getting.
In today’s gospel Martha feels stuck doing the hospitality. Luke puts it this way: “with much serving.” Mary is just sitting there at Jesus’ feet listening to him – doing little serving.
Whenever I hear this story I have many wonderings and questions:
Would Jesus sing a different tune if Martha sat there at Jesus’ feet as well – and nobody served him?
Why didn’t he say to Martha, “Sit down. Relax. Let me serve both of you?”
When did Martha say to Jesus, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.” I can’t picture Mary sitting there as Martha said that out loud to Jesus. I assume this is a small house. I assume one went to the bathroom outside.
Did Martha make an angry “Huh!” sound when Jesus said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”?
What were conversations like between these two sisters every evening before and after this experience?
If Mary heard what Martha and Jesus said – at that moment – or afterwards, did she and Martha ever talk about it? Did they ever laugh about it? Did they ever argue over it? Or did they remain silent about it?
Is the purpose of this story that all of us have both a Martha and a Mary in us. We need to work, but also need to be reflective and contemplative?
How did Luke get this story? He wasn’t there.
What is Luke trying to tell us – by putting this story in his gospel? There is a rule when reading scripture called the “No Smoking Sign Rule”. If it’s there, it’s there for a reason – just as we know someone was smoking where someone put up a no smoking sign.
Was the scripture professor I had in the seminary correct when he wondered if this story was put in the scriptures because women in the early church were trying to take over – and the male preacher might tell this story – and then preach his homily by saying, “Women! The better place in the church is to sit and listen – like Mary sat silently listening to Jesus. And remember Jesus said Mary chose the better part compared to Martha.” And then our professor gave us texts from the Letters of Paul that might support this theory. [1]
And my last question and wondering: What would a parish community be wondering about on a Sunday morning as they heard this gospel story of Martha and Mary?
I would assume that one key message is that we practice hospitality to the guests who come to our home. Sometimes the hosts have to team work – one sitting and talking and listening to the guest, the other getting food and drinks ready in the kitchen. That message would tie in well with the today’s first reading where Abraham and Sarah show hospitality to three travelers – three strangers – getting them water to bathe their feet and food and drink – waiting on them as they sat under their tree outside their tent. Reread that first reading. It sounds like a great cook-out.
And one of them before leaving blesses Abraham by saying, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah will then have a son.”
Good message, but I was still intrigued by the question: What do I do when I don’t get what I want?
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT? [2]
How do couples deal with wanting a baby and they don’t have one?
How do we deal with rejection and lack of hospitality?
How do we deal with not having anyone who is willing to listen to us – especially a spouse or family member?
How do I deal with people at work who seem to be on an eternal coffee break and I get stuck with their work?
How do people deal with being out of a job and can’t get one anywhere?
How do people deal with rejections in relationships?
How do people deal with cancer and sickness and the reality called “death”?
Do I become Buddhist and say, “All suffering comes from desire – wanting an outcome – remove that desire – and there will be no suffering.”
Do I become a Stoic and tough it out? Be reasonable – and don’t let my emotions run my life. Stoicism is worth looking at. A lot of people down through the ages have practiced it. It’s might rain on your picnics or your wedding day. Traffic sometimes gets very snarly. Some drivers are always on their cell phones. Better get used to life. Stoicism taught that you can be sick and happy at the same time. Stoicism taught that you have to learn to accept all people as equals – even slaves – because all are children of God.
Do I become a complainer like Martha and try to get my way?
Do I become philosophical and say, “What difference does this make 20,000 years from now?”
Do I become theological and say, “God’s will be done?”
Do I become a skeptic and say, “What is God’s will? Does God want suffering? Does God really zap people?”
Do I follow the Talmud and say, “Teach thy tongue to say, ‘I don’t know.’?”
Do I say this is life – this is the cross – I want one thing and someone else wants another thing - and we have a cross here – two plans intersecting and both are different?
Do I say this is why people sometimes avoid people and stick with things – because things we can control – so in some homes there are 4 people watching television in 4 different rooms. This way we all get what we want – our program – and all 4 have their own clicker.
Do I realize that I don’t want to be like Tom Hanks in the movie “Cast Away” or like Robinson Crusoe – all alone on an island? Do I realize I don’t want to be like Vinnie in “My Cousin Vinnie”. I need others – and therefore there are consequences. I have to learn how to deal with people who are different than I am. Thank God. Some people are like Martha and some people are like Mary.
Do I see that different personalities, different opinions, different options, different ways of doing and seeing things is what makes life what life is: interesting, a struggle, electric at times, challenging, demanding communication, unprogramed, unsure, and life giving? If I knew how the movie ended, how the story unfolds, how my life is going to go, boring, boring, boring.
CONCLUSION
I wanted my sermon to go another way, but this is what I came up with in the time I had. So I guess one answer is to do one’s best and then get moving and get out the pulpit. Amen.
Painting on top: Martha of Bethany by Vincenzo Campi
Check: http://www.Bible-Art.info/Martha_Mary.htm
FOOTNOTES
[1] I don't remember the texts that our professor was referring to - perhaps 1 Corinthians 14: 34, "As in all the churches of the saints, women are to remain quiet at meetings since they have no permission to speak; they must keep in the background as the Law itself lays it down. If they have any questions to ask, they should ask their husbands at home: it does not seem right for a woman to raise her voice at meetings." It might also have been 1 Timothy 2: 11-15, "During instruction, a woman should be quiet and respectful. I am not giving permission for a woman to teach or to tell a man what to do. A woman ought not to speak, because Adam was formed first and Eve afterwards, and it was not Adam who was lead astray but the woman who was led astray and fell into sin. Nevertheless, she will be saved by childbearing, provided she lives a modest life and is constant in faith and love and holiness." How's that for a footnote! I dare anyone in 2010 to bring that up at a Parish Council Meeting or what have you. I find the New Testament amazing for the speaking out and presence of women in lots of situations that seem so radical compared to what Bruce J. Malina and Richard L.
Rohrbaugh write about in their
Social-Science Commentary on the Synoptic Gospels [Augsburg Fortress Press, Minneapolis, MN, 1992] Read their commentary on today's gospel, pages 348-349. For starters they report that a woman would not be doing the welcoming [Martha] and a woman would not be sitting there listening to a man [Mary]. Listen to these words by Malina and
Rohrbaugh, “The private world, a household, was the domain of women. It was a closed sphere marked off by inviolate boundaries, which commanded absolute loyalty of all members. It was both a social and economic unit, in which women were responsible for childbearing, clothing, food distribution, and other tasks needed to run the household. Women had little or no contact with males outside of their kin group. Since a woman's honor was determined first by her virginity and secondly by her loyalty to her husband, no breach of either was tolerated. Any breach would publicly shame all members of the kin group, who will be most keenly felt by the males who represented the family in public.” [p. 348] I didn't grasp this world till I read a book about
Afghanistan, "The Bookseller of Kabul" by a Norwegian journalist,
Asne Seierstad. She spent 3 months in the woman's world of the home of the bookseller. If the world of women that I was reading about in Kabul is anything like the world for women in the time of Jesus, then Jesus and Christianity was extremely revolutionary. In the meanwhile the title question of this homily is very relevant: "What do I do when I don't get what I want?"
[2] At times I can be flippant and shallow - when it comes to dealing with big questions. If anyone wants some heavy duty food for thought on the question of this homily, I recommend re-reading M. Scott Peck's classic,
The Road Less Traveled - especially chewing on and discussing the specific cases and people he writes about.
