SILENT MARRIAGE

Lonely, and the only sounds,
(and they were loud)
were the clinking and cutting
of meat on their porcelain plates,
plus the return of coffee cups
to their saucers. The love sounds
of their marriage stopped several years ago.
Both refused to face their consequences.
Both tried to survive in separate corners
of their empty bed and heads,
and their silent dinner table.
Their parents said it was because
they stopped going to church. They knew
it was because they stopped going
to communion to each other.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

MERCY VERSUS SACRIFICE

[This is a weekday homily - 15 Friday in Ordinary Time. Readings: Exodus 11:10-12:14; Matthew 12:1-8. The painting is entitled, "Good Samaritan". It's by Ben Long. It's can be seen in Riverside Baptist Church in Charlotte, N.C. He is the only non-Italian to do a painting at the Abbey of Montecassino, Italy.]

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Mercy Versus Sacrifice.”

Today’s gospel has the startling statement: “I desire mercy, not sacrifice….”

That statement is worth wrestling with all our lives.

That statement is very challenging – as well as intriguing.

“Mercy Versus Sacrifice.”

THE CASE FOR SACRIFICE

Today’s first reading talks about the Pascal Lamb – who sacrifices his life – his blood for the good of the people. No sacrifice; no meal.

Today’s first reading talks about the Unleavened Bread – baked and eaten fast – for the good of those who are celebrating Passover.

Jesus certainly stressed sacrifice – and here we are at the sacrifice of the Mass. Here we face the gigantic cross of sacrifice. And the Greek word used is, “Thusia” – “sacrifice”. It refers to the act of offering – the slaying of the victim. Jesus would be very aware of the Passover – and the slaying of the Lamb. Josephus in his writings about Jerusalem around the time of Jesus said that 255,600 lambs were slaughtered in a single afternoon. The sound of lambs being slaughtered during Jesus' last days were all background sounds for the Passover Meal – the Last Supper – the meal we’re celebrating right now.

And Jesus is the Lamb of God – sacrificed for the good of those who eat him – who are part of the Meal. May his blood be upon us and upon our children.

Love is sacrifice. Greater love no one has than they lay down their life for their friends. We know raising a family – takes great sacrifice. We know making a marriage work – calls for great sacrifice.

So a good case can me made for sacrifice over mercy – not that mercy isn’t important.

THE CASE FOR MERCY

Yet Jesus quotes Hosea 6:6, the great 8th century B.C. prophet , “For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”

Obviously, both are important.

Yet Hosea and Jesus are giving the warning – that life calls for both – but we better not become crazy when it comes to the letter of the law. We better not become rigid in religion: we better see that a big heart is key to religion – key to Christianity.

The Greek word used is, “Eleon”. It’s translated into English with the word “mercy”. We know this word “eleon” when we say or sing the Greek words of our Mass, “eleison” – as in Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison.

Biblical Scholars like John L. McKenzie said “mercy” as the word used to translate “eleos” is inadequate. It seems that no word works in English. Eleos – is the Greek word used to translate the Hebrew word, “Hesed”.

Mercy means showing great kindness, understanding, walking in another’s shoes. It means empathy – this word they were trying to pin on Sonia Sotomayor – that a judge better not have empathy. Give me a break. In fact, “Give me a break” is part of the meaning of “eleos”.

“Eleos” – the Greek word in today’s text, “Hesed” the Hebrew word used in Hosea 6:6 which Jesus refers to in today’s gospel – means kindness, understanding, generosity.

Jesus is saying, “Come on give us a break. My disciples are starving – and people are hungry and starving on the Sabbath, so let them eat – even though you think it’s breaking the Sabbath Law.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve met folks whose modus operandi seems to be obligation and law, law, law, and that’s how they see God. And I know they are probably not going to change and I almost at 70 am not going to change either, so I figure the message better be that we have mercy on each other.

St. Ambrose said, “Mercy is not … pronouncing judgment on another another’s lack, but in relieving his necessities; in giving aid to the poor, not in inquiring how good they are.”

Thomas Merton wrote in Life and Holiness, [1963] “Unless we learn the meaning of mercy by exercising it towards others, we will never have any real knowledge of what it means to love Christ.”

Anthony De Mello likes to tell little parables. Here’s one: “When one of his disciples was guilty of a serious lapse everyone expected the Master to give him some exemplary punishment. When nothing was done for a whole month someone tried to correct the Master. 'We cannot ignore what has happened. After all, God has given us eyes.' 'Yes' replied the Master, 'and eyelids.'”

Arjan who died in 1606, a member of the Sikh Religion said, “Mercy to human beings is more acceptable than bathing at the sixty-eight places of pilgrimage, and than all alms offered there.”

I think he stole that last part from Jesus’ comment about the widow who put her two pennies into the temple treasury.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Mercy Versus Sacrifice.”

I am not saying that sacrifice isn’t important. I’m saying what Jesus said in today’s gospel, “If you knew what this meant, I desire mercy, not sacrifice, you would not have condemned these innocent men.”

I don’t know what your dad was like, but my dad was easy going - a piece of cake – and rigid folks have told me, “It’s obvious.”

I don’t know what your God is like, but this is the God I have experienced in Jesus Christ and in the New Testament and I hope and pray people say, “It’s obvious.”

P.S. I just got home from the 8 AM Mass and found the following story someone sent me in an e-mail. It fits. Life is interesting. The author's name is not mentioned.

THE COAT HANGER

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.

She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.

She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse.

She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.

Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?"

But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure."

He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you God!

You even sent me a Professional!!!'"

Is - GOD GOOD - or what!!!???

ESCAPE TO THE KITCHEN

In the middle of the dinner
with a plate holding 3 half eaten
roasted potato spears – soft
pork – done just right – just
enough juice – neither soggy
nor tough, she got up,
went into the kitchen,
went “Phew!” Then --- she grabbed,
yes “grabbed,” 3 chocolate
chip cookies and crumbled
them into her mouth in seconds.
When you’re not getting
affirmation or recognition
in the dining room for all the work
you’ve done in the kitchen,
it’s chocolate chip cookie time,
I repeat, "Chocolate chip cookie time!"
It is not good to be alone.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

COMPETITION?

Am I dark red Jell-O,
no longer in hot water,
just sitting here
on this refrigerator shelf
in the dark,
waiting in the cold quiet,
not knowing what’s next?
Will anyone be excited,
when I make my appearance
at the family table?

Will I still have my shake?
Am I the only dessert
or do I have competitors?

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

PLUS AND MINUS

The new baby, celebration,
but then the cries in the night,
last week my single aunt’s funeral,
the one we took in for the last
two years, a sweetheart, tears,
miss her already, but now time to catch up
with what we missed these past two years,
losing hair, gaining weight,
the first dent in the new car,
the pay check and then the fuel bill....

As the wise formulate it,
“Additions and subtractions:
the mathematics of life and love.”

We watch TV, relax, and kill time.
We take vacations that go too fast.
Days come; days go. Wheat and grapes
are crushed. How else do we get
bread and wine? We give; we take.
We fall on our knees in hurt;
we rise up with hope.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

FRONT PORCHES

What ever happened to front porches?
Why don’t they build them any more?

Don’t builders realize people need
to wave, watch, scout, knit, call neighbors
over for a few moments of chat to see what’s
happening next door or down the street –
to spot cats lurking in the bushes?

Build front porches ! Add on!
Put a carpenter to work!
Call it retro tech or old tech or whatever
and discover front porches are better
than texting, twittering or new techy.

Surprise – you’ll see sunrises or sunsets –
depending on which way you’re facing.
Surprise – you’ll see what Jesus saw
2,000 years ago: the birds of the air and
the flowers along the edges of one's life.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

IT’S HARD TO SHAKE
ALL
THE DUST OFF ONE’S FEET

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 15th Sunday in Ordinary Time is, “It’s Hard To Shake All the Dust Off One’s Feet.”

“It’s Hard to Shake All the Dust Off One’s Feet.”

We’ve all had the sand in our shoes or sandals' experience at the beach. Kick. Kick. Kick.

Today’s readings – especially today’s gospel – got me into thinking about this issue: trying to get dust off our feet. Jesus tells his disciples to go two by two into different towns and proclaim the gospel – and if they won’t hear you, if they reject you, shake the dust from that town off your feet and go to other towns.


Well, it might be easy for Jesus to say this, but we find it difficult to do this. It's hard to let go, especially to let go of the feelings that result from being rejected insulted, hurt, denied, misunderstood or treated unfairly.

The whole world might tell us, “Let it go!” and we say deep down within ourselves thoughts like these:

- "Easier said than done.”
- “You’re not walking in my shoes.”
- “Easy for you to talk.”
- “You have no clue to what I’m feeling right now.”
- "It’s hard to shake all the dust off one’s feet."

Okay, we can shake some of the dust from our feet – but not all.

How many times have we continued an argument – an anger – a regret – a deep inner scream of “foul” or “unfair” for hours and weeks and months and sometimes even years on our inside face – our private face – with a smile on our outside face, our public face?

BASEBALL

We’ve all seen baseball managers come rushing out of the dugout and head to home plate in a baseball game and yell at an umpire about what they think was a horrible call. Then they start kicking the dirt – kicking and screaming.

We see a grown man having a temper tantrum.

We find ourselves laughing - or saying, "Loosen up guy! It’s only a game. Relax. Let it go."

US

Yet in a way we can all relate to that. We’ve all experienced what we have felt have been terrible calls – unfair decisions – when we lost a job or a promotion or a marriage or we’re angry with one of our kids who is behaving or living a life style that we feel was not the way we brought him or her up.

And these situations are more than a game. They are life. Jobs. Marriages. Raising kids. Raising grandkids. Tough stuff. Tough situations. Important stuff. Important situations.

Or we planned on such and such a thing to happen and we thought it was fair and square and obvious and a “no brainer” and we were turned down by a pastor or a supervisor.

DUST

We are dust and into dust we shall return.

It’s hard to forgive. It’s hard to lose. It’s hard to let go.“It’s hard to shake all the dust off one’s feet.”Things rub off on us.Things rub us the wrong way.

We are clay. We are human. We are sensitive. We have a mind of our own. We think we have given all of ourselves to another and the other just walks out on us.And we want to say to Jesus, "And you want me to just walk away, to turn the other cheek, to walk the extra mile, after shaking the dust of that person off us?"

Not easy. Not easy.

FIRST READING

Who of us can be like Amos in today’s first reading and keep cool and simply say things like, “Hey don’t blame me. Blame God. I was just a shepherd and I worked with sycamore trees and God called me to prophesy and to preach. So take your complaints to God, not me.”

SECOND READING

Who of us can deeply spiritualize life’s situations to the depth and height of Saint Paul as we heard him in today’s second reading? It’s hard to see the big picture, the eternal picture, and say all this is a mysterious part of God’s plan and God’s blessings for all eternity. It's difficult to grasp grace and God's will - to understand destiny, adoption, and that we were chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world. That's the stuff for pushing the mute and pause button in prayer - to pinch ourselves and say after a lot of silence - before we turn to dust, "Thank You God. Thank You!"

DO I END THIS SERMON HERE?

As I was thinking about all this for a sermon I wondered if I should end here.This sermon is kind of short, but summer sermons are supposed to be short. So do I just end by saying my opening comment: “It’s not that easy to shake all the dust off one’s feet!”? Do I hope that message will help a few people here – just knowing that some people can’t let go of hurts and unfairness that easily?

Is that enough?

Or do I say more?

Well, having thought about it, I said, “I better say some more. I stated the problem, but I offered no solution.

Is there a solution or a suggestion on how to deal with situations or people who stress us out and drive us up the wall.*

CONCLUSION: JAMES GILL S.J.

I thought about a workshop I attended that offered something that works for me. It was given years ago by a Jesuit, Father James Gill.The workshop was on stress and health and "Anger Management", etc. way before the movie with that name.

Jim Gill had been a Navy aviator in World War II and came out and went into pre-med. His father was a well-known heart specialist in the San Francisco area. In 1947 Jim Gill entered the Jesuits.

Along the line he started to wonder about those he was living and working with when they had stress issues – basic everyday human problems – and how they dealt with them. He wondered about solutions like, “Say some prayers.” or “Say a rosary.”

He thought, "Sure prayer might work for some, but prayer didn’t seem to work for others.”Now he wasn’t against prayer, but it didn’t seem to work many times. He also wondered about something Bishop Fulton J. Sheen had said. Fulton Sheen was the voice of the time – so to go against something Bishop Fulton J Sheen was dangerous stuff. But he wondered about Fulton Sheen’s comment: “There is no problem a psychiatrist can solve that can’t be solved in the confessional.”

So when it came time for what’s next in his life after finishing his regular studies to become a Jesuit priest, he talked to his superiors about all this and asked about becoming a psychiatrist. That meant becoming a doctor first and a lot more schooling.

He also said that some Jesuits weren’t doing all that well in handling anger and stress etc. Some tried alcohol or acted out sexually etc. when dealing with life – long before this stuff was in the papers.

So that’s the direction he went. He became a psychiatrist and he ended up doing a lot of good work for a lot of folks – especially priests and religious.

During that workshop, he offered 4 tricks or 4 suggestions on how to deal with situations that really tick us off or stress us out.Maybe long sermons tick you off or stress you out, so let me list them and then spell them out quickly:

1) Change the situation.
2) Change our way of interpreting the situation.

3) Change the way our body reacts.

4) Change the way we behave.

It’s a good list – but let me say that # 4 has never been that clear to me.

1) Change the Situation. Can we get out of the situation that is driving us crazy? Can we not drive there? Can we switch our job or the department we’re in, if that is the situation that is stressing us out?

This is the geographical cure. It’s precisely what Jesus is talking about in today’s gospel. If this town ain’t working, move to another town.Obviously this is very difficult in most cases.

2) Change the Interpretation. See the person who is driving us nuts in a new way. The thing that always intrigues me about this is this.:A priest or some other person is driving me nuts. Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Grrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrr! Yet it seems that other people love this person and see this person in a totally different way than I see him or her.

How is that possible? How do I come up with a new interpretation?

One hint: look into your life and think of someone you saw one way one time and then you saw that person in a new light later. What caused the change?

3) Change the way your body reacts and responds to someone who drives you batty. Walk. Exercise. Breathe. Calm down your body with healthy tricks. Sleep more. Do whatever it takes – if possible.

4) Change the way you behave as a result of having to deal with the crazies and the strange rangers in your life. Instead of venting or sabotaging them or trying to line up armies to speak against the person behind their back, stop the bad music. Or if you just hold it in, then find a person you can vent to - but be careful the venting doesn't turn to poison?

Enough already.

Did anything stick or cling to your this morning. Time will tell.

But I repeat. It’s not easy to shake ALL the dust off your feet.

*I have a whole book on this, but it's out of print for years, Andrew Costello, CSSR, How To Deal With Difficult People. It was my attempt in the late 1970's to answer this question. It has been translated into Korean, if that is your native language and you can't understand English. However, I guess I'm being difficult in saying this, because you can't understand any of this in the first place.