AN IMAGE OF A PARISH: 
PERPETUAL HELP

Perpetual: as in always,

ongoing, forever faithful, present,

those eyes looking, watch those eyes,

those hands and arms

ready to reach and receive and hold,

always open, especially when the timing is bad ….

Help: as in willing to stop

and be there for another,

to get one’s hands dirty,

as in willing to volunteer,

willing to serve, to support,

even if the other is missing one shoe

or a sandal is falling off....

© Andrew Costello 2007

TRANSFERENCE

Am I the me
you think I am
or am I the me
I think I am
or are we both
somewhere else?

© Andrew Costello 2007

DESCARTES #2

I think he thinks he thinks.
Therefore, I don’t think he thinks.
Therefore, I tell him that
I don’t think he’s thinking.
Therefore, he thinks I don’t think.
Therefore, he doesn’t think I am.

© Andrew Costello 2007

WHINE, WHINE, WHINE

INTRODUCTION

I would like to talk about prayer.

The readings today obviously call for reflection on the theme of prayer.

What are your thoughts, questions, wonderings about prayer?

Do you find yourself saying, “I don’t pray enough”?

Do you wish you wouldn’t have so many distractions when you pray?

Do you wish you could pray like other people whom you think can pray, and you wish you could pray like them?

What are your thoughts, questions, wonderings about prayer?

TITLE

The title of my homily is, “Whine, Whine, Whine!”

I was tempted to call this homily, “Nag, Nag, Nag!”

But before I get to what triggered this title of “Whine, Whine, Whine!” let me mention a few comments about prayer in general.

TYPES OF PRAYER

As you know Catholic spiritual writers on prayer often say, “There are 4 types of prayer: adoration, contrition, petition and thanksgiving.”


The mnemonic or memory aid often used is: ACTS – A C T S – standing for: Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving and Supplication.

I like to use 4 other words: “Help!”, “Sorry!”, “Thanks!” and “Wow!”

I also like to say these are 4 common expressions we use in everyday talk and relationships.

I also add: if we can’t talk to each other, if we can’t communicate with each other, how can we communicate with God?

If we can’t say, “Help!” to another, how can we ask God for help?

You know the standard joke about men when driving don’t like to ask for directions. You know that’s an ongoing theme with Vinnie in the movie, “My Cousin Vinny.” He just can’t ask for help – and his girlfriend, Mona Lisa Vito, keeps busting him on this.

I’ve been dying to ask the following question in church. “Would the men here who have one of those voice directions things in your car raise your hand?” Now the real question I wonder about is this: “Would you keep your hands up if the voice is a woman’s voice that gives directions? Put your hand down if it’s a man’s voice.” I’ve been dying to ask that question.

That’s the “Help!” question. The other 3 are the same. If we can’t say, “Sorry!”; if we can’t say, “Thanks!”; if we can’t say, “Wow!”; to each other, then I think we’re stunted.

PRAYER IS COMMUNICATION IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

Prayer is communication in our relationship with God. “Wow! What a beautiful day!” “Wow! What a beautiful sunset!” “Thanks God.” “Sorry, I didn’t stop to say this for months.” “Help me to wake up and see and smell the flowers.”

As you know, the three most important things in a marriage or any relationship are, “Communication, Communication, Communication.”

If people are not talking and listening to each other, if people are not taking the time to know what’s going on in their relationship with each other, if people can’t say, “Sorry!” or “Help” or “Thanks” or “Wow! I love being with you!”, then the relationship is in trouble or it’s dead.

Talk to each other. Talk to each other. Talk to each other.

Tell each other. Tell each other. Tell each other.

Listen to each other. Listen to each other. Listen to each other.

Connect with each other. Connect with each other. Connect with other.

Take, make time, to be with each other. Take, make time, to be with each other. Take, make time, to be with each other.

What’s not being said? What’s not being talked about? What’s not being put on the table?

Through the years, I’ve wondered about people who don’t seem to be able to communicate, but I see them praying. I don’t get it. Something’s missing there. Of course, that’s judging. And of course, I’m not God. And of course, who knows what’s going on in the mind of another? Tell me, because sometimes I wonder.

FORMULA PRAYERS

And then there are so called “formula prayers” in every religion.

There’s the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Glory be to the Father in our tradition. The rosary uses those 3.

There’s also the “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” prayer. There’s the Serenity Prayer.

And I used to write prayers for a company in Chicago for 11 years and they would go into church bulletins around the country. So I’m not against formula prayers – using someone else’s prayers. We’ve all used prayer books to help us pray. And we have these prayers at Mass that we say over and over again.

In today’s gospel we have Luke’s version of the Our Father. Most people use Mathew’s version of the Our Father which is part of the Sermon on the Mount. Set prayers like the Our Father would be one of the first things translated into a local language. So we still have words like “hallowed”, “Thy” and “trespasses” in the Our Father prayer we use – because it’s part of our English speaking psyche from way, way back when Christianity in "English" became the way of communication in the British Isles.

Formula prayers are good – unless they become rote and rambling and babble – with no sense of being in communion with God. That’s a warning from Jesus.

Who wants to hear, “I love you!” or “I’m sorry! Or “Thanks”, if there is nothing or no one behind the words– if it’s just babble? Wow’s are harder to fake.

Formula prayers are good for group prayer.

Formula prayers are good when we are sick and find it hard to concentrate and pray. I’ve noticed in nursing homes that people who seem to be on cloud nine come back to earth if I say the “Our Father” with them. If their lips start moving, I know they are somewhere here. If I say a “Hail Mary” and they start moving their lips I know if they are Catholic. I also found out that people also know “Happy Birthday” by heart – because I once sang that to a person in a nursing home upon seeing on their door, “Happy Birthday.” And I can’t sing.

ST. ALPHONSUS: DOCTOR OF PRAYER

St. Alphonsus, the founder of the Redemptorists, whose feast we celebrate this coming Wednesday, August 1st, has various titles. One is “Doctor of Prayer.” He talks about formula prayers. He wrote lots of prayers. However, he loved to stress and teach people to use “Mental Prayer.” Some people call this "meditation".

He said something like this: “Grab 15 minutes of time to escape each day for prayer. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Start off with a prayer you know. Ask God, ask Mary, ask the Saints for help. Then read the scriptures or use a spiritual reading book. Then put the book aside and think about what you just read. What hits you? Then comes the most important part, talk to God - especially with feeling. If you need help in the area you just read about and were thinking about, start asking God for help. Or thank God. Or say, “I’m sorry.” Or praise God. Then when it gets close to 'Times Up,' make a resolution on the issue or area you reflected up. Say a prayer for help or thanks to God, Mary, the angels, the Saints. Then stop. That’s it. Prayer time is up. 15 minutes."

Lots of people do this. My dad had his prayer chair and spot in our cellar. A friend of mine used his garage. Some people walk. Some people use church. Some people use the adoration chapel at St. Mary's. Some people sit in their garden or near the water or on their boat.

I would add: don’t over do it - because you'll end up disliking prayer. Do what works. If you find only 1 day a week works for you, go for it. If 3 days a week works, go for it. The test is if it works for you – and you find yourself wanting to be with God and you find yourself growing in your relationship with God.

WHINE, WHINE, WHINE

Now to the whine, whine, whine.

Today’s first reading is an ancient Jewish story about God talking to Abraham about how He's
going to visit the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to see if the cries he’s been hearing from others are true about how bad the people in those two cities are. Abraham asks God if he is going to wipe out these cities, and in doing that, wipe out the innocent along with the guilty?

Great question. Great story telling.

Abraham haggles God. Would you wipe them out if there were 50 innocent people there?God says he’ll spare the cities, if there are 50 innocent people there.Hearing this, Abraham haggles God down from 50 to 45, to 40, to 30, to 20, to 10.Good story telling.Abraham is praying. Abraham is begging. Abraham is bargaining. Abraham is whining. Abraham is manipulating. Abraham is nagging God.Abraham is making a prayer of petition, a prayer of supplication, a prayer of “Help!”

We do this all the time. We do this to God and to each other all the time. What’s more, in today’s gospel, Jesus tells us to approach God the Father this way. The disciples asked Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray just like John taught his disciples”So Jesus teaches them the Our Father. Check it out.

Then he tells them a great story. Knock on God’s door. Throw rocks at his window at midnight – when you think God is asleep. And when God says, “No!” then nag. Whine. Beg. And Jesus says the man who was sleeping will take care of the man who is begging – to get rid of him – to shut him up.

So keep nagging God – even if it’s years before our prayers are answered - like St. Monica's prayers for her Augustine. She prayed for years before he converted.

DR. ALBERT ELLIS

But what really made me think of “Whine, Whine, Whine!” was when I saw in the paper the other day that the famous psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, died this week at the age of 93.

He was a great character – broke all the rules and all the traditions – to try to help folks.

One of his observations about people is that we are whiners. He liked to say, “Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining.”

And Freudians and other therapists went crazy – saying his answer was too simplistic, and at times too crude.

Ellis’ message was, “Move it.” Action. Action. Action. Change your behavior instead of whining.

He loved to sing a group sing, a song he composed, “Whine, Whine, Whine” to the tune of the Yale Whiffenpoof Song. It was a song by Guy Scull – a Harvard graduate. I can’t sing, but these are the words,

“I cannot have all of my wishes filled
Whine, whine, whine!
I cannot have every frustration stilled
Whine, whine, whine!
Life really owes me the things that I miss,
Fate has to grant me eternal bliss!
And since I must settle for less than this
Whine, whine, whine!”

So for example, if you were using today’s gospel for 15 minutes of prayer, you might realize that prayer is whining to God. Then you might “hear” Jesus say, “Get moving. Pick up your cross and follow me.” Or you might “hear” Jesus say, “Get behind a plow and start plowing if you want daily bread.” You might “hear” Jesus say, “Want forgiveness? Then start forgiving.” Or “Start by forgiving yourself.”

You also might start talking to God about how your prayers have changed through the years – from asking, asking, asking, to thanking, thanking, thanking, to pinching yourself and saying, “Wow! Wow! Wow!”

You also might start talking to God about how your prayers have changed through the years from sorry, sorry, sorry, to accepting, accepting, accepting, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving – making peace with being a sinner – especially when you were younger – as you realize whining and nagging are the stuff of youth – and accepting is the stuff of being over 50 – okay 60 – ain’t there yet? okay 70.

CONCLUSION

This week – find a quiet place and some quite time – to be with God. Start with whining – continue with complaining – come up with a solution, and nag God for help to do it – or laugh with God and accept life as a great big, “Wow!” Amen.

DIRT

(John 8:6-8)

Dig anywhere
and you’ll
always find dirt.

© Andrew Costello

IS THERE

ANYTHING

OR ANYONE ELSE

I'M PASSING BY?

NURSING HOME

First impression: Visitors must sign in.
Second impression: Wheel chairs and people.
Third impression: People watching people.
Fourth impression: Long corridors of tile.
Fifth impression: Nurses walking fast.
Sixth impression: Old people walking slow.
Seventh impression: Walking into your room
Eight impression: Semi-darkness.
Ninth impression: You.
Tenth impression: Wrinkles
Eleventh impression: We begin talking.
Twelfth impression: You offer me an orange.
Thirteenth impression: Announcements over loud loudspeakers
and you don’t hear them.
Fourteenth impression: You’re okay and happy.
Fifteenth impression: People looking into your room as they go by.
Sixteenth impression: A nurse goes by.
Seventeenth impression: I say I have to leave.
Eighteenth impression: A kiss goodbye.
Nineteenth impression: People in wheel chairs watching
as I push the elevator button.
Twentieth impression: Wondering as I drive home if I’ll
ever live to 88?
Twenty first impression: Will I be grateful and as graceful
as you are today or will I be someone
all want to avoid or forget?




© Andrew Costello 2007