FAMILY ISSUES

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 23 Sunday in Ordinary Time [C] is, “Family Issues.”

When I read today’s readings - all  3 of them - as well as the psalm - I went, “Oooh!  Where do we go with this stuff?”

Here are the readings if you want to check them out:
              Wisdom 9: 13-18b;
              Psalm 90:3-4, 5-6. 12-13. 14. 17;
              Philemon 9-10, 12-17;
              Luke 14: 25-3e

Hating parents, brothers and sisters, even oneself, and putting Christ first - that does not sound like Christ stuff - especially in the Gospel of Luke - the Gospel of Mercy -  our gospel for this year. What’s that about?

Building towers with insufficient funds, fighting battles with two few soldiers, not letting our possessions possess us - could babble a bit about that - but what to say?

The first reading from the book of Wisdom  - reflecting on the mind of God - not being able to understand the why of God - oh yeah, we all do that one - we all have our questions about how God works - especially in times of storms - personal - regional - the stuff on the coastlines of our lives.

The Psalm for today - Psalm 90 - that God is our refuge - yes - the steadiness of God - yes - yet God as the psalmist or song writer puts it - what are we compared to a thousand years in the mind of God? Our  sense of time is this: old is 70, 80, 90 years - or less. Hey last week in the papers they had a story about fossil bits of ancient bacteria embedded in stones in Western Greenland that go back  3.7 billion years ago. The story said that they are  220 million years older than the oldest stuff from Western Australia - that was estimated to be 3.48 billion years ago. No wonder we describe some folks as old fossils.

The second reading from Philemon - - sounds like Pokémon. It’s a little known - a little used letter - of Paul that is dated around 57. Paul now old, now in prison in Rome or Ephesus - is awaiting his trial. He wants to send his run-a-way slave Onesimus who was helping Paul with his preaching - back to Philomen his owner. Interesting. Intriguing. Could tie that into what Georgetown is doing now with its slave history. By the way, what’s your take on that - if you’ve been following that story in the papers or on line.

So where to go with a homily - and I haven’t really said anything yet.

So let me say and trigger a few things about family issues - because Jesus brings that up in today’s gospel and also because “Don’t we all have have family issues - all the time?”

Relax - next Sunday we have Luke 15 - the best chapter with the 3 great parables on mercy: the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin and the Lost Son.

So some stuff on family - family issues.

How are you doing with your family issues?  What’s going on in your family lately?

How about 3 quotes and 3 issues - and see if they trigger some car talk on the way home today - or when you’re just sitting there with other family members.

THREE QUOTES

Everyone always quotes this quote from Anna Karenina by Tolstoy when it comes to family, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  It’s a great quote because it triggers a lot of, “Wait a minute…. Let me hear that again.” “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  Do you agree with that?

Thomas Fuller [1654-1734] said, “He that has no fools, knaves nor beggars in his family must have been begotten by a flash of lightning.”

Nora Ephron way back in 1986 said, “Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, you ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.” She added,  “It consists entirely of people who are not related by blood, many of whom can’t stand each other.”

THREE ISSUES

Now let me see if I can come up with 3 issues for homework for everyone this week.

Could I come up with a good sounding slogan? Like Meet, Greet, Seat, Eat.

Or like the old one: “The family that prays together, stays together.” The numbers go up if families pray together - better if they have God in their mix - and more important prayer at home besides church, temple, mosque or what have you? Of course you’d expect to hear that in church - but check out the numbers. The numbers of Catholics who go to church - is down to under 35% and the number of family breakups are going up. Talk about that in your own marriages and families. Here you are in church this morning. Visually I see numbers of church goers going down - and stories about kids not going to church going up.

Pope Francis said to put this on your refrigerator door: “The 3 most important sentences in every family should be: May I, Thank you, and I’m sorry.”

That was on our refrigerator door in our rectory. Someone took it down.

Let me give the following 3 - unless you’ve already gone off on something I’ve already said - or you already in your afternoon.

Here are 3 family issues: meeting, meals and marriage.

ONE - MEETING

Families gotta do things together. Families gotta meet together. I’m very aware from being part of over 30 Kairos retreats with our high school seniors - that family schedules are very tough these days. There are lots and lots and lots of this and that’s and that’s and this-isses. Lots.

Suggestion: have a pow wow - a family meeting once a month - and talk about, “How are we doing as a family?” Everyone has to be present.  Issues have to be brought up: from dishes to doing things together.

Over in the rectory we meet at 9 AM on the second Tuesday of every month. There is an agenda and an agenda list to write in what folks want to talk about. Underneath so much in life for kids from 4 to 40 - 8 to 80 - is the fairness question.

For a format use the power cycle method: Evaluation, Recommendations, Decision, and Do it - do the decisions - besides the dishes.

SECONDLY MEALS

At every high school retreat, the 50 or so young people are divided into small groups of about 7. So I get a small group - for 4 days and I ask the following question every time: what’s it like in your family when it comes to meals together.

I want kids to hear what other families do. Some don’t do meals together. Some do. I want to plant the seed for when they are parents that they eat together.

To me that’s a key family practice and a key family value.

At a meeting here in this church a week or so ago for parents for freshmen coming into our high school, the suggestion was made to eat together at least once a month. I wanted to scream, “More!”

I wrote a whole book on the mass that’s been rejected 3 times already where I talk about the Mass as a meal and family meals. We have a lot of drop outs.

Meet and talk about meeting and eating and talking to each other.

THIRDLY - AND LASTLY

Married couples ought to meet and talk about the state of their union at least once a month.

Couples got to talk about date nights, escapes, mini-honeymoons, “How are we doing hon?”

A few couples have told me they got a good book on marriage - got two copies - and go through it together.

CONCLUSION

Enough already.