PETER AND
ANDREW
Once upon a time there were twins: Peter and Andrew.
Neat kids. Fun kids.
You’d like them if you knew them.
Peter was older than Andrew by 17 minutes and loved to
brag all the time that he was the older
- and the smarter brother - because he came out of his mother’s womb
first - when they were new born babies.
They were now 12 years old.
It was their grandmother’s 85th birthday - and
they drove 3 hours that Super Bowl
Sunday to their grandmother’s house for dinner.
But first they went to Sunday Mass ….
They got up early
and made it to their grandmother’s church for the 11 AM Mass. Grandma and her other son and his wife - who
lived close by - and their 3 kids were waiting in the church vestibule for
Peter and Andrew and their parents.
Mass was 55 minutes - so they were back to grandma’s
house by 12:15.
It was a good day - parents talking to each other with
their mom. Grandpa had died 10 years
ago.
And the 5 kids - cousins - played Monopoly and threw a
football outside for a while. It was cold - but not that cold.
Peter and Andrew - the twins - didn’t dress alike. Some
twins do that. Other twins - some of them hate that - but mostly when the twins
are both boys. Their mom liked dressing them alike when they were little - but not now. They
were past that - at least that’s what they would say. But they found themselves often thinking
alike. Twins are often asked that question.
But there was one thing where they were totally
different. Peter wanted the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl and
Andrew was rooting for the Los Angeles Rams.
They had made several bets. Whoever lost the bet, that one would have to
make the other’s bed for a week. Whoever lost the bet, he would have to take
the garbage out to the curb on Monday and Thursday and bring the plastic
barrels back to the garage when they got home from school in the afternoon.
Whoever lost the bet, he would have to empty the dishwasher every morning for
the next two weeks.
Grandma’s birthday cake didn’t have 85 candles - but only
about 2 dozen. Her breath was good
enough to blow out most of the lit candles at her first attempt to blow them
out.
The twins were looking at the clock from 3 PM onwards.
They figured they would just miss part of the first
quarter of the game if they made it home between 6 and 6:30.
Mom sitting in the front seat of the car - handed the boys two bags of barbecue flavored potato chips for the trip home.
Dad - a definite Type A driver - drove very
carefully - both hands on the wheel - all the way home - feeling a bit nervous
about possible black ice.
After all he had precious cargo here - his wife
Janet and their twin sons: Peter and
Andrew.
They were home - and in the house through the garage - at
exactly 6 PM.
The twins headed for the TV set.
Dad said he was going to check out some e-mails and phone messages.
He said to Janet, “Did you see my i-Phone?”
She didn’t - then
she added, “Maybe you left it in the car.”
Dad headed out to the car and came into the house with
his i-Phone in hand and two empty barbecue potato chip bags - from the back
seat of their car.
Dad screamed, “Andrew you’re the slob. You left potato
chip flakes all over the back seat of the car. Go out and clean out the car and
get to bed right after that. No Super Bowl football for you this year.
Andrew without saying a word headed for the garage.
He knew his dad could be this way at times - especially
after a long day of driving - and he had to do the driving.
“Uh oh!,” Peter said to himself.
Then he continued
talking to himself. “It wasn’t Andrew. It was me - who was the slob. And
Andrew didn’t eat any chips at all. He knew I loved Barbecue potato chips, so
he gave his bag to eat as well.”
Peter heard Andrew coming out to the garage - completely
silent - and heading for their bedroom.
His dad had calmed down - after his scream - after his
whining - but didn’t welcome his son back into the room where they were
watching the Super bowl.
His dad didn’t tell Andrew that the Rams were already
winning by 14 points.
His dad could be strict - and be such a neat nick -
especially when it came to the car.
Peter went to the bathroom at half time - but really to
sneak into their bedroom to see how Andrew was and give him the score. The Rams were only winning by 7 points.
Peter mainly wanted to see how his brother was.
Peter asked Andrew, “How come you didn’t squeal on me -
that I was the only one who had potato chips in the back of our car?’
Pause.
Then Andrew said, “Didn’t you hear what Jesus did in the
gospel we heard at church this morning?”
Peter said, “What? What Jesus said?”
Pause.
Then Peter said, “I was thinking about the Super Bowl and
had no idea what the priest was talking about at Mass. Are you kidding me?”
Finally, he asked Andrew, “What did Jesus do? What did
Jesus say?”
Andrew said, “Well they were all yelling at Jesus and
they were trying to take him out of town and throw him off a cliff. He kept
quiet and kept moving and suddenly at the right moment he snook off the road
and into the woods.”
Pause.
Peter never heard this side of Andrew ever before.
Andrew continued, “So when dad started yelling. I kept quiet. I’ve been doing
that all these years. With him, you can never win. I cleaned up the potato
chips in seconds. There weren’t that many and then I slipped into here.
“And by the way I have this small radio and I’m beating
you by 7 points.”
The End.
Ooops. When I woke up this morning I felt something was
wrong. The ending of my story wasn’t right. So my second ending would be:
Peter walked back into the lounge - and told his dad - “Andrew did nothing
wrong. He didn’t have any potato chips. It was all me - who left the back seat
of the car so messy.
That was a second ending.
A third ending would have the father sitting there. It’s
now in the third quarter and the father stands up and says, “Wow was I not so
smart in being so tough on Andrew. I’m going to go into the boys bedroom and
invite him into the game.
I polled everyone and got votes for all 3 endings.
