March 16, 2022

 

ABUNDANCE

 
“I felt so empty these past 5 years.”
 
She paused after saying that.
 
I paused as well – as I was listening.
 
Then I said to myself, “She’s about to tell me about a conversion moment.”
 
I was there just to chat, just to have a cup of tea, just to be there, and then to move on.
 
I was visiting shut-ins.
 
Shut-ins. Terrible words – horrible thought.
 
She continued: “First it was the kids that left – one by one. Off to college…. Into marriages….  Jackie went off to the marines.  This house – which always seemed so small – got larger and larger – with every kid – going away for good.”
 
I asked where each kid was now – how many grandkids.  Grandkids?  She didn’t want to go into them.  Enough.
 
She continued: “Then Jack died. We were married 38 years.  I didn’t expect that one. I thought he would beat the cancer. He was always such a strong man.”
 
Silence.
 
I had experience doing this.  No more wrong questions. No more small talk.
 
Then more silence.
 
Then she continued, “Then one night I had Billy, my middle son, over here for supper. His wife and their kids went down to see her parents.  Billy couldn’t skip work. Tax season. He’s an accountant.   I figured he’d enjoy his mom’s home cooking once again. His wife Kathy ain’t that great a cook.”
 
“It hit me – at that supper.  Billy isn’t much of a talker. Maybe when there isn’t much talking going around, there’s more inner talk going on. 

Quiet.  

Then she told me - as if she was telling me one of life's secrets: "Then I opened up the cabinet over the sink. It was full. I opened up the fridge. It was filled.”
 
Silence.

She said, “I said to myself: ‘Abundance.’”
 

She continued, “I began to notice that I had pictures – pictures, pictures, everywhere.”

I was listening. I was looking.
 
She repeated herself, “Abundance. I had abundance everywhere. The abundance of abundance was everywhere. This house is full – full of memories and life.  My life is full. God has certainly given us an abundance of abundance everywhere.”

An abundance of tears ran down her face.

Billy said, “Mom – are you okay?”
 
“Yes,” she said. “Everything is perfect. You’re here.”
 
She told me, "Inwardly I said, 'Billy you won’t be understanding this for another 30 years.'”
 
 

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2022