March 7, 2022

FUNERAL  MASS

FOR JOANNE COSTELLO REICH

FEBRUARY 20, 2022

SAN ALFONSO RETREAT HOUSE

WEST END,  NEW JERSEY

We finally had the funeral service for Joanne who died just after Thanksgiving - down in St. Mary's  Georgia, where she lived. About 50 people showed up here in Long Branch, New Jersey - for the funeral. We are grateful for Gary Reich for getting a videographer to do the service. Thank you. Thank you everyone for helping us deal with the death of a wonderful human being: Joanne Reynolds - Costello - Reich.

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JOANNE:

A PLACE AT THE TABLE

 
 
The title of my homily is, “Joanne: A Place at the Table.”
 
All of us want – like – hope -  for a seat at the table.
 
In the movie, Eagle Eye, the main male character, Jerry Shaw, says he always wanted to walk into his house and feel at home – but it didn’t happen. Is that something that happens to everyone – at sometime – or sometimes – in their life?
 
Translation:  wanting to feel at home at home - somewhere.
 
We all have an eagle eye. We’re looking for signals. We’re hoping to see signs – that “I’m at home here.”
 
In thinking about Joanne these three months or so, I think that was one of her greatest gifts: she made you feel at home.
 
Don, Ron, and Pat could attest to that – so too Kathy, Patty, Mary, Maureen, Margie, Jeannie and Claire. So too Gary. So too all the other chairs around the table. Sons-in-law, grandkids, friends and those who moved around in Joanne’s psyche – all liked it – when they felt welcome in her presence – and with each other.
 
Thank you, Joanne.
 
I remember talking to her and Ron once about a book they read together: A Place at the Table. It was all about making sure every member of the family had a place at the table.
 
Translation: in some families people who are seen as different – are not accepted as is.
 
I once wrote down and memorized a quote I found in some book:  “The greatest sin is our inability to accept the otherness of other people.”
 
I made that a theme of much of my preaching.
 
Thank you Joanne.
 
People are different.
 
Often that’s their beauty.
 
Thank You God.
 
It’s obvious, but sometimes we don’t want to eat with, we don’t want to be with, we don’t want to sit at the same table with certain people.
 
Not smart. Not good. Not the way to do it. But we do it – at times.
 
If I hear Jesus – I hear him – telling us to eat with each other – be with each other  - be in Holy Communion with each other.
 
I hear him telling us about the importance of food.
 
I hear him telling us about the beauty of bread and wine.
 
We like it when we have a ticket to the human table.
 
Jesus fed the 4000, the 5000, the hungry and the thirsty.
 
Did his disciples keep an empty chair for him in their first meal together after their last supper with him?
 
When they said the Our Father together in their meals together in the weeks and years of the early church – did they pause – and then say extra loud: “Give us this day our daily bread”?
 
When they received the bread and ate the bread together – did they slowly say to Jesus in prayer: “You’re right, there are people I don’t want to eat with – be with – I can’t stomach them – yet you hung out with outcasts and told us to do the same.
 
Being good only to those who are good to us – is not enough.
 
I heard Joanne tell a story a few times – when the little kids – were looking for her. She was hiding.  But they knew she was somewhere in the house.
 
Well,  she was hiding in the bathroom.  That’s the door that had a lock. She could hear their little kid’s fingers scratching on the bathroom door. They wanted her. She wanted a break. She needed a break. She’d be hiding there in the locked bathroom  – with wine and Utz potato chips – and Vienna Fingers cookies.  Bread, wine, desert, space.
 
Phew.
 
Then she’d come out and continue her job of motherhood.
 
Being wife and mother of seven – she learned – the great life message: everyone is hungry for food and for each other – but sometimes we need a break from each other.
 
Life.
 
Joanne was a learner - and those who knew her -  learned from her.
 
Salt, light, we need both – as today’s readings told us.
 
Joanne was both salt and light.
 
Today’s first reading - that Kathy read -  also told us about a good wife. My brother, Ron, Don, knew that.
 
Her kids – also the McGee’s, the Goldberger’s, the neighbors - the people she worked with – all  learned learnings from her.
 
If only we would listen – if only we would watch – life is a great classroom – the family table – every table – every meal – is a teachable moment.
 
I remember a good conversation I once had with Joanne.  There were good ones – but not enough.  No wonder heaven is often described as  a banquet.
 
Then we’ll really have time for each other.
 
Well - I’m sitting with Joanne – talking - or maybe we were walking. She loved to walk – well -  once upon a time -  she said she went out to lunch with the women she worked with on a Maryland County  Human Relations committee. All were people of color – except her.  They were now in a big van – 7 of them – heading back to the office – after lunch. One lady says to Joanne – in the van. “You were there at table with us – in that restaurant – just now. Did you notice anything interesting?”
 
Joanne – paused – hesitated and then  said, “Well, no.”
 
Well, the lady who asked the question -  said, “Did you notice the white waitress picked up all our plates – silverware – cups and saucers – without asking if we were finished – all of us except you?”
 
“But she politely asked you – if you were finished.”
 
“Woops.” Silence.
 
When I heard that I said, “Ooops” and thought “Woops!”
 
I never stopped to notice or think about that at  any meal I ever had  - at home – or in a restaurant – or at a banquet – up to that moment in my life.  Ever since that anecdote – that story – that experience Joanne mentioned, I have.  Now I notice that. I notice when waitresses or waiters ask if I’m finished before they take my plates and stuff.
 
Every person deserves all the marks of dignity and notice – and recognition and respect.
 
“Every person,” as someone said, “is sitting in the best seat.”
 
Wasn’t Jesus aware of that – and said that – when he noticed folks wanting the most important seats – at meals and banquets?
 
I noticed in these funeral services – where there is the cremated remains – they place the cremains on small tables. The one who has died is being given a place at our table with us.
 
Today – we are especially – noticing – remembering – being with Joanne.
 
Today – it has taken some time – today we are finally having a funeral service for Joanne Reynolds.
 
It has certainly been quite difficult for the people of this planet – to do this - in this time of Corona Virus deaths.
 
Thank you – for all of you who have done this – prepared all this. Thanks.
 
We all know it’s important to do this.  That’s why we are here today.
 
I remember seeing a documentary. It might have been one by Jacob Brownowski.  He said that somewhere in our evolution as human beings – a group of early – early – way back when - people – were migrating through the woods of Africa or Europe – somewhere.
 
Someone died.
 
Till that moment – they would just take the body and throw it – move it off the path – and then move on. 
 
But at that moment – they stopped. They buried the body. They left a marker.  They paused out of love for that person – and on the way back – along that path – they paused at that spot where there was a marker. They said a primitive prayer – and told some stories about their loved ones – and moved on.
 
The title of my homily is: Joanne: A Place at Our Table.
 
In the weeks – in the months – in the years to come – Joanne’s presence in our life – remains with us.
 
She’ll always have a place at our table.
 
Just scratch on her door – and invite her stories – into our stories.
 
Continue to do what we are doing today: thinking, talking, loving Joanne – and the people Joanne loved: us – us here at our table. Amen.