WITH PEOPLE,

EXPECT  DIFFICULTIES 

AND DIFFERENCES

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 5^th Friday after Easter is, “With People Expect Difficulties and Differences.”

SAL

I used to work with a priest named Sal.

We were part of a team of 3 Redemptorists - formed to get people to talk to each other - about living and working together - becoming better communities.

We would go into Redemptorist rectories and parishes and try to get people to communicate better.

One of the things Sal would say was this: “If you can get along with all the people in this room, you can get along with everybody and anybody on the planet.”

I heard him say that about 5 times - to a group of 100, 50, 25, 15 and 10.

I finally asked him, “How many people is your bottom line - on that number in a room - if you can get along with all the people in this room, you can get along with everybody  or anybody in a room or the planet?”

He paused.

He thought for a few moments and said, “Two.”

Would you agree about that?

I didn’t.

Think about that?

What would be your number - if you agreed to what my friend Sal was saying.?

Would anyone make it one?

Would anyone say, “If you can get along with yourself, you can get along with everyone on the planet.”

OUR PROGRAM

We had a neat program that we presented to the communities and our province and some of the parishes we worked in.

We talked about expectations:  everyone is sitting there in every marriage, in every relationship, in every parish, in every group, with expectations.

In other words, everyone has expectation s.

We had methods of outing expectations.

We would name a group: say  “PRIESTS”  - and put that word on top of a big piece of white paper - front and center.

Then we would ask people to add expectations to a group. Of priests, for example, people would yell out different expectations. People would yell out in a small group different descriptions of what they would expect of priests, good preachers, holy, always present, listeners, caring, creative, don’t mention money, not overweight, reads, liberal, conservative, and on and on and on.

That would be step one. We could do that same process for Mass, Sermons, Parish Councils, Politicians, Schools, Teachers,  Bosses, etc. etc. etc.

Then step two was the clever step - the learning moment step. We would ask the group to put the letter R or U after each stated expectation.

We called that the adjective step.  R stands for realistic and U stands for unrealistic.

That was a great group process. Try it.  It could be called, “Expectations and Then the Adjectives.” That’s a way of naming the expectations and voting on whether it’s realistic or unrealistic.

Another process that we used was called, “Personality Types.”  We used the Jungian Types - known by many as the Myers-Briggs test.  We used a simple test of the same testing called “The Wheelwright Test.”

Companies - businesses - groups often come up with personality tests. There are many.  I found out that many people love personality tests. It told me that people want to get to know more about themselves and others.

Smart move.  I like the Enneagram because it gets at 9 types - but by our negatives. Some say it’s the 7 capital sins plus 2 more. I don’t know about that.  I like the Firo Test.  A guy name Bill Schultz came up with it to find out who will be compatible on a submarine.

We used material from a movement in the Catholic Church called “The Better World Movement”-  which was started by Father Ricardo Lombardi in Italy after the Second World  War. I became a member of that moment and got the training. The main idea is not the individual, but the group - that we are to live in the image and likes of God - not God as one as much as God as a community - a 3 that get along with each other so well, that they are one.

CONCLUSION

By now, I’m on page 3 of this talk, I assume you have at least 2 expectations.  One is that I end this. Oh yes, like expectations another process we used was to list the assumptions we all have.

The 2^nd expectation is this - unless your mind left this room about 10 minutes ago - or never got here. It’s this: Why are you telling us all this?

Answer: in our readings at Mass - all these days - after Easter - we have readings from the Acts of the Apostles - and if you listen carefully, you’ll hear them having many of the same problems we have in our church today.  People all have their agendas - their expectations - for the others.

For example in Acts for today people are complaining about Jewish laws regarding eating certain types of meat - and being in so called unlawful marriages.  Today’s gospel from John is talking about the commandment to love one another.  People put up No Smoking signs if people are smoking. People quote Jesus’ commandment to love one another if people are not loving one another.

P.S. We ended our team to get Redemptorists and the guys we live with to talk to each other better. We failed. It’s called life. It’s called the ongoing struggle. The good news for me I put some of what I learned into a book called, How To Deal With Difficult People. It sold over 60,000 copies. It was even translated into Korean.  I’m hoping it appears on the table at the North Korean-South Korean peace talks.

When asked if my book will help or work, I laugh and smile - and say, “It sounds good on paper like the scriptures.” Then I might add. “It works if like Jesus the word becomes flesh - if it becomes us.”