THE  PARALYSIS 

THAT  COMES  

FROM  NOT  FORGIVING 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this Second Monday in Advent  is, “The Paralysis That Comes from Not Forgiving.”

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings trigger thoughts about what forgiveness and non-forgiveness can do to us.

Today’s gospel from Luke 5:17-26 tells the story of the paralyzed man who was brought to Jesus for healing. The Pharisees and teachers of the law are also there to check out this Jesus. Jesus not only heals this paralyzed man, but he also forgives the man his sins.

The first reading from Isaiah 35:1-10 talks about the earth blooming and blossoming. It also talks about the opposite feeling weak and feeble. God makes the difference.

And that’s the theme of the Gospel as well.

So we have here a clear comparison: being paralyzed or being free to blossom.

PARALYSIS

Let me begin by talking about being paralyzed by not forgiving.

When we don’t or won’t forgive - we can become stuck.

When we’re angry, it’s often because we won’t forgive.

Keep your eye on your hands when you’re angry.  Often they have become fists. Often they have become hard. And it’s hard to shake hands with fists.

In fact, tightened hands, fist shaped and sculpted in a closed position,  can bring us feelings of physical pain, arthritis like, in our hands.

THEY ARE OUT THERE

Every once and a while, we find out, someone is angry with us.

Often we don’t know it, but they know it.

When they see us or spot us, we trigger repeat feelings of anger in others.

As priest I have experienced this.

Sometimes it’s me they are angry with. Sometimes it’s priests in general.

This collar - the priestly collar - a white plastic collar - against the black of a black shirt - has the power to trigger memories and anger in others. A little tiny piece of white plastic can have big time power. [Show white plastic collar.]

Some priest might have yelled at someone. Some priest said, “No” to someone - who wanted a funeral at a certain date - but the priest said he couldn’t do it. Someone wanted to talk to a priest in a one priest parish and the secretary who answered the phone said that it was the priest’s day off - and he would call tomorrow. The caller gets furious and screams, “The hell with the Catholic Church.”

I have two relatives right now who have stopped going to church - one because of a priest who brought up homosexuals and abortion in every sermon - over and over and over again; the other because their bishop got accused of protecting priests who abused children.

A lot of damage and a lot of anger has come from the sexual abuse of people by priests. Check out the numbers of church drop outs from the Church in Ireland.

FORMS OF FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is the call.

Forgiveness needs a lot more than words.

It starts with communication. It calls for turning the other cheek. It calls for checking things out. It calls for money at times. It calls for counseling. It calls for time. Sometimes timing is everything.  Forgiveness calls for honesty.  It calls for acknowledgement. It calls for grace. It calls for the Holy Spirit.

And it calls for the person who is hurting - to do what it takes - to heal. Otherwise paralysis can continue.

CHRIST ON FORGIVENESS

I’ve heard a lot of babbling about God from people.

I’ve heard a lot of babbling about people from other people.

Sometimes I say, “I have to think about what I just heard.”  Sometimes I make a judgment: “Sounds like sloppy thinking to me.”  Sometimes I say, “There’s more to this situation than indicated.”

So I choose the word “babbling” carefully - because I’m implying that a lot of talk calls from clarification and communication and when it’s sloppy talk it’s babbling.

For starters, Christianity has a lot to offer our world about the mystery of forgiveness.

Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7 times.  Jesus said, “Put down the stones. Let him or her without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus said on the cross, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

I’d add, “They don’t know why they are doing what they are doing.”

BOOK: IT DIDN’T START WITH YOU

I could conclude here, but let me mention a book that can trigger stuff about anger and lack of forgiveness. The book gets into the issue of where our personal patterns of how we do life come from.

There’s a book out there by Mark Wolynn that states, “It Didn’t Start With You.”

I haven’t finished the book yet, but statements and anecdotes in the book about forgiveness has got me to bring the themes from that book into the issue of forgiveness.  I believe that it’s worth thinking about.

I’ve also read positive and negative criticism about some of the comments, thoughts, positions in the book. Some say it's too repetitive. Someone said take it off the shelf in Barnes and Noble and just read the first two chapters.  Others say that the theories advance need more history and back-up.

The book can get us thinking about how much we are like our parents and grandparents and great grandparents.

Question: How do we measure how much impact our grandparents have on what we do today.

I heard long before this book the statement, “If you want to change someone, change their grandmother.”

I also heard that a therapist in a big city said: “If you want to do therapy for someone, you have to work with the whole street.”

In the meanwhile each of us needs to take responsibility for our own behaviors and talk to others about our parents and grandparents, etc. etc. etc. and get a handle on why we are the way we are.

CONCLUSION

Pray to be a forgiver in hopes our spirit infiltrates our family system.

Pray to be a forgiver and see if we become more flexible and less paralyzed in our destructive thinking and behaviors.

In the meanwhile, please learn to laugh. Don’t forget the old Chinese advice: “If you want to get even with someone, buy a drum for each of their kids.”