CONTROL

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 32^nd Tuesday in Ordinary Time is, “Control.”

In the English translation of today’s Letter of Paul to Titus, the word “control” is used 4 times. [Cf. Letter if Paul to Titus 2:1-8, 11-14.]

Older men should be self-controlled….

Older women should be training younger women to love their husbands and children to have self-control  - as well as to be under the control of their husbands.

Any reaction to that comment?

And younger men need to be urged to control themselves.

I would add that the word “control” is a button word for many.

And for some - once a button is pushed - things can be out of our control. We’ve seen that in TV sit-coms going back beyond I Love Lucy.

So last night as I read today’s readings to come up with a homily, I asked myself, “What does one say about control - controlling self  - controlling family members - as Paul urges in today’s first reading - and controlling servants as today’s gospel puts it. [Cf. also Luke 17: 7-10.]

5 COMMENTS ABOUT CONTROL - THERE ARE MANY OTHERS

So for the sake of some semblance of thinking about this, here are five personal comments about control. There are many others. It’s out of my control to get it all - and many other nuances about the issue of control.

Control - to say the least - has to be one of the top ten issues in life that we all have to wrestle with.  It shows up in relationships - marriage - government - raising kids - how things flow - and how things go with each other.

First, there are things within our control.

We have the power of choice in lots of things: to floss or not to floss - to empty the dish washer or not to empty the dishwasher? Like standing there on line at McDonald's, we have the choice to pick Meal # 1 or Meal # 3 - that is, if we’re not a kid and an adult is not giving us orders. So sometimes we have the power of choice. Sometimes the ball is in our hands and we can shoot for the basket. If we miss - and miss too many shots, the coach can bench us. But for a moment there, it was all us - our freedom - our move - our shot. We’re in control. We have the ball. We think we’re on the ball. Shoot.

Secondly, there are things that are out of our control.

For example, the weather. For example, others. We’re stuck with the preacher we’re getting  - yakking away in the pulpit - if we come to Mass. We’re stuck with the parents we got. As of right now, we have the neighbor we have next door to us. He  likes to mow his lawn at 10 PM and we put our kid to bed at 9:30 PM. That was in Dear Abby two days ago and she died a few years ago - and she’s still in control of her column.

Thirdly, God is in charge of a lot of things beyond our control.

When we pray the Our Father,  we could change the word “will” to “control” and say the Our Father this way, “Thy control  be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” We could work on letting go of trying to be in control and let God take over.  There are jokes about this. Sometimes we have to let God be God - others be others - and learn to bend and be humble.

Fourthly, we human beings have free will.

When it comes to God, there are things that are out of God’s hands - like free will. God gave us freedom. That’s what is being said very primitively - while at the same time - very clearly - in the Adam and Eve story in the Book of Genesis.  If it wasn’t this way, then love wouldn’t be love - because the beauty of love is that the other doesn’t have to love us - or choose us - but when they do - and we get it - life can become wonderful.

Fifthly: when it comes to control - especially self-control - we humans are really not in control at times.

We all need to realize that when it comes to being in control, often we’re not. We need to discover what everyone needs to learn. Sometimes we’re the problem. We self-destruct.  Self-control can be very slippery and sneaky.

This was one of the great learnings of St. Paul.  I tell myself I am going to do this and I do the opposite. [Cf. Romans 7: 14-24.]

Augustine said the same thing. I tell my right hand to do this and my left hand does the opposite.

In other words, we’ve discovered the reality of being powerless - out of control - in the midst and mix and mystery of life. 

Every person who has gone on a diet - and is grabbing that extra dough nut - knows this. Every person who gets addicted to booze, drugs, cigarettes, porn, chocolate, knows the reality of weakness.

So the most basic prayer is, “Help!” And sometimes, that’s the hardest prayer to make. We need others. We need God. We need groups, therapists, humility.

CONCLUSION

As Paul put It paradoxically, “It’s when I’m weak, I’m strong, It’s then I can enter - receive - get out of my bench - walk down the aisle and enter into communion with Christ - and community. [Cf. 2 Corinthians 12:10.]