WRONG THREE WORDS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 21^st Sunday in Ordinary Time B  is, “Wrong Three Words.”

Today’s Second Reading is from Ephesians 5: 21-32. It talks about marriage, so I would like to say some words on Marriage. I hope some of my words are insightful, helpful and challenging.

I remember someone saying that every time this reading from Ephesians was coming up the following Sunday, a lady would call the rectory and ask if they were going to use the long form or the short form. In the missalettes you can see brackets - for that choice.

That’s evidence enough for me that some people get antsy with this text as well as a few of St. Paul’s other texts.  Some of his words hit buttons.

DOCUMENTARY

I remember attending a Scripture Workshop a bunch of years ago and the speaker was asked the question about Paul’s attitude or words about women and men, husbands and wives, that some people found “uh-ohish”!

The speaker took the question head on and said, “In the Mediterranean Basin - in all those countries that surround that body of water - in the First Century - women were in the kitchen  - and back stage very much - and the Jewish and Christian scriptures mirror that culture - that way of doing life.

In fact, he showed us a old documentary film about life on a Greek Island in the early part of the last century - that showed the men standing on the corners - smoking their water pipes and talking - and all the women are inside the house - doing their domestic tasks.

And if we read the Gospels, it’s amazing how women and children are treated by Jesus in a way that is extremely counter cultural.

The speaker of the workshop simply said, “What are we going to do? Ignore or change the fact that the scriptures were written when they were written and in a culture that is different than our cultures or what?”

That was enough for me - but I’m not a woman.

THE BOOKSELLER OF KABUL

Then two years ago I picked up sort of accidentally a book with the title, The Bookseller of Kabul. It’s a 2002 book  by Asne Seierstad, a Norwegian  journalist - who embedded herself with burka-clad women in a Muslim home in Kabul, Afghanistan.

Woo. Reading it I was back in another age and in another totally different culture. If you are looking for a read that will grab you, find that book. It bothers me every time I hear of another death of another one of our people or any person in Afghanistan - but that book gave me this thought. Even though it’s horrible, every day we’re there, I hope women are solidifying their rights and positions, because when the Taliban and others were in charge, women are in the back room and are bedroom objects and servants to the men.  And when we leave there, I suspect it will be back to being like a lot of other places in our world.

YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY

What a contrast with our world. The old saying, “You’re come a long way baby” is very true. Women didn’t get the vote in the United States till August 18, 1920.  Maryland didn’t ratify that 19^th Amendment till 1941.  That struggle for women to be able to vote took a long, long, long time - well before the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848.

The struggles people go through take a long, long time. Walls and ceilings exist - and walls sometimes crack and fall apart.

BACK TO TODAY’S SECOND READING

The title of my homily is, “Wrong Three Words.”

It seems to me that the button word in today’s second reading is “subordinate” - as in the sentence, “Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.”

Other English translations use the phrase “give way to”. Other similar texts from Paul on this issue - for example, Colossians 3: 18 and 1 Corinthians 11: 3 Paul says “man is head of the woman” and “submit to”.

My hope would be that these texts and these worlds would lead to dialogue - not monologue - discussion and communication - amongst husbands and wives - as well as family communication.

The question in talking about a marriage, “Who’s boss?” can be cute - but it can also be cutting. The best answer I would assume is, “It all depends.” “She’s better at this.” “He’s better at that.” “But we work together well.”  

And if it’s a Christian marriage - I would hope both husband and wife - follow the message and mystery of Christ where each gives his or her life for the other  - as well as the family - and that the greater position is that of serving rather than being served as Jesus put it.

HAGAR THE HORRIBLE

Having said all that, let me get to something that I hope will be interesting and challenging and hopefully marriage improving.

I was reading the Hagar the Horrible comic strip in Thursday’s Baltimore Sun - August 23, 2012. 

 There are 3 boxes - 3 scenes.

In the first box, Hagar is coming up the road heading towards his home. He has a pack on his back and he’s saying, “When I return from a raid, I love to hear Helga say … … those Romantic “three little words” …

In the second box Hagar is at the door and he is singing, “I’m home Helga!” and in that same box comes Helga’s words in bold print from inside, “Wipe Your Feet!

In the third and last box Hagar, still outside, shield in hand and pack on his back says, “Wrong Three Little Words.”

QUESTION

Now for those of you who are married or what have you, what three words do you love to hear when you come in the door?

Now for those of you who are married or what have you, what three words do you say to the person coming in the door?

I was talking to a lady the other day about this just after reading the Hagar the Horrible comic strip.

I said that a man I knew in Ohio once told me that he worked late and at quite a distance and for 20 years it really itched and irked him when he came up the street to where they lived and the outside light was never left on for him. That really bugged him. And he said, “If I told her and then the light was on, I would think, she has it on because I nagged and begged her - not because she was welcoming me home after a long day.”

That’s a dilemma. I told the guy to look for the other ways she was happy that he was home. Then I added, “What do you do when you walk in the door - besides being irked the light wasn’t on for you?”

Silence.

The lady the other day said: “Woo! Right. When my husband comes in the door it is always 3 words, 'Did you do________?'”

Hagar the Horrible would say, “Wrong Three Little Words.”

I cut out the word “little” for the title of my homily.

What are the three right words? What are the wrong 3 words?

The lady the other day added, “I was in a restaurant once and this gal came in and this guy yelled in delight, 'Jessica. It’s you!'  And I’ve always wished someone would say those 3 words when I walk into some room or some restaurant."

Wow. Right three words - because Jessica lit up the room with her smile after hearing those three right words.

CONCLUSION

We’ve come to the end of these 5 weeks on the 6^th Chapter of St. John’s gospel - on the Eucharist - on Jesus as the Living Bread and everyone is leaving Jesus - because they can’t buy his message that he is living bread. Bummer. And Jesus says to the twelve, “Do you also want to leave?”

And Peter says the right 29 words - I don’t know how many words they would be in Aramaic, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

Right words Peter.

Now some homework for all of you. Two tasks:

1) For the rest of this Mass till you come up for communion today come up with the 3 words you’re going to say to Jesus today.

2) For the rest of this Mass and for this week come up with the right 3 words you’re going to meet and greet the key people in your life when you meet them. “I love you” or "I miss you!" or "Great seeing you!" or "Together at last!" or "Thanks for so much!" are not bad ones to put on your list. Amen. Amen. Amen.