SHAME,  SHAME  ON  YOU! 

OPENING IMAGES

 Some of us have memories of doing something wrong as a little kid and being sent to our room. We refused to eat our broccoli or asparagus and then got into a temper tantrum. Or we got caught playing with matches or kicking the cat or hitting our younger brother.

And sometimes that same younger brother started to chant, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you!”

Some of us have memories of “having an accident” in kindergarten and some kid started to chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on you!” and then some of the other kids chimed in.

Some of us have memories of being a teenager in school and getting caught cheating on a test or writing a term paper using other people’s stuff and we wanted to hide, escape, be anywhere, but where we were. And sometimes we heard echoes in the halls of our memory of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you.”

Some of us have memories of doing something wrong as an adult. We stole money at work or we changed a report or we were seen in the wrong place with the wrong person at the wrong time. We were spotted.  We turned red. We wanted to run to some dark room and cower in some corner – far, far away from everyone.

And once more we heard the echo, “Shame, shame on you!”

And some day we might be in a nursing home and we’ll reflect upon our life and feel that we worked hard but our nets are empty. Our kids dropped out of church or their marriages fell apart. Or our arms will be tied to a wheelchair so we won’t fall out or tied to the rails of a hospital bed because we keep pulling at our plastic tubes. Or we are incontinent and we want to disappear from the whole human race.  And once more we hear down deep echoes of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on you!”

So at times, from Pampers to Depends, some of us experience feelings of shame, “Shame, shame on us!” And for some, shame is the name of the game.

HOMILETIC REFLECTIONS

Psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists speak about shame. But shame is not new. Our scriptures and the sacred scriptures of other religions often feature stories about people experiencing shame.

Today’s gospel features Simon Peter – the one who denied Jesus three times – being asked three times by the Risen Lord, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”

We don’t know if Simon Peter is filled with shame or guilt or what he was feeling at the time. Do we ever really know what another is feeling? All we can know is the state of our mind, if we were in their skin. We project. We reflect. We see what has happened to another and we think we know what we would feel if we were in their boat.

Yet, we can say, Peter is feeling something. Shame? Guilt? Empty? A failure? Stupid? Dumb? Humbled?

And we can also say, there had to be some shame in the story of Peter, because shame is so basic to every human being.

We see the reality of shame in one of the first stories in Genesis. Before Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were naked, but felt no shame. (Cf. Genesis 2:25). But after their sin, their eyes were opened and they felt shame and made clothes and hid from God. The author of Genesis is simply reporting what is the same for everyone in every culture. The names and the places are different.

Peter denied Jesus three times. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all tell us this sad story in detail. The first three add that after Peter heard the rooster scream, he remembered that Jesus said this was going to happen, “And he went outside and wept bitterly.” (Cf. Matthew 26:75; Mark 14:72; Luke 22: 62; John 18:15-27).

Peter the braggart – the one who said, “Even if all lose faith in you, I will never lose faith,” lost faith and surely wanted to hide his face. He was exposed, naked, scared. (Cf. Matthew 26:33-35; 26:69-75.)

Do we say to Peter, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you!”?

Of course not.  But of course, Peter felt shame. Shame is as basic to the human being as skin. We all know the feeling. We’ve all been there.

Did Jesus feel shame?

Who of us can answer that question? But those who killed him surely wanted him to feel shame. Isn’t that why Jesus was stripped and nailed to a cross? Cultural anthropologists like Bruce Malina often write about shame and honor as pivotal human values. In his book, “The New Testament World,” he points out example after example  from the First Century Mediterranean background of Jesus of how  people tried to motivate and manipulate people by means of shame. They stripped Jesus and nailed him to a cross, naked or almost naked, like a common criminal.

Jesus had shamed them, so they wanted to shame him in return – shame him for claiming to be a King, for claiming to be the Messiah, but even deeper, because he exposed the Pharisees and the Sadducees in their emptiness. Jesus saw right through them.

Jesus was constantly saying in so many words to the Scribes, the Pharisees and the Elders, “Shame, shame on you! Shame on you for all the burdens you lay on people. Shame on you for ruining the Sabbath for so many people. Shame on you for your empty prayers – your lip service – from hearts that are filled with dead bones and the stench of sin.”

But Jesus didn’t want to leave people in shame. He preached that love and forgiveness are much deeper than shame. This is perhaps Jesus’ biggest teaching.

From the cross, the place of shame, Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” He forgave those who spat, cursed and crucified him. And in doing this, in saying this, he gave everyone a way to move out of the empty net called “shame” to the full net called “love”.

Jesus says from the cross, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”

Did Judas feel shame?

Once more we never know what another is going through, but once more we know what we would be going through. Matthew ventures into Judas inner feelings when he tells us, “When he found out that Jesus was condemned, Judas his betrayer was filled with remorse.” Judas took the money back to the chief priests and elders and announced that he had sinned. But they washed their hands of shame and rejected Judas and his money. Judas then flung the silver coins on the floor of the sanctuary and went out and hung himself. (Cf. Matthew 27:3-10.)

Both Matthew and Mark add what might be the saddest line in scripture, “It were better for him that he never had been born” (Matthew 26:24; Mark 14:21). Both Jeremiah and Job said this of themselves, but here we have Jesus saying this of someone else: Judas. (Cf. Jeremiah 20:14; Job 3:3)

Too bad Judas didn’t remember all the many parables and words of Jesus about forgiveness. Too bad he didn’t wait, allowing the Risen Lord Jesus to come to him, like Jesus came to Peter in the upper room and at the Lake of Galilee. Wouldn’t it be the best story in the gospels, better than the story of the Prodigal Son, if Judas didn’t kill himself, but instead Jesus rose from the dead and brought him forgiveness?

But life doesn’t always have happy endings. Remorse, anger at what they have done, shame, can cause people to commit quick or slow suicide.

Peter’s story is the happy ending. Today’s gospel features Peter again meeting the Risen Lord Jesus. 

It’s a fresh start for Peter. Like the first time he met Jesus, once more he’s fishing and once more he comes up empty. Once more Jesus becomes the fisherman of both fish and Peter. Once more Jesus makes a great catch.

Peter changes. The apostles changed. We have Peter here in today’s first reading no longer denying Jesus, but rather proclaiming Jesus. And as we read The Acts of the Apostles we see that the net, the boat, the church, becomes filled to the breaking point – with people.

Proclaiming the Name of Jesus, as today’s first reading reports, became their way of life. “The apostles for their part left the Sanhedrin full of joy that they had been judged worthy of ill-treatment for the sake of the Name.”

Evidently, for Peter, joy about the Name of Jesus replaced his feelings of shame about it.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS

Let me conclude with two practical applications:

1) How Do I Deal With Shame In My Life?

Obviously, into every life some shame shall fall.

Obviously, we should feel shame and guilt about sin in our life. We all need to be able to say, at least to ourselves for starters: “I made a mistake.”; “I sinned.” “I am not God.” “I am ashamed of things in my life.” If we can’t admit our original and unoriginal sins, we can become righteous, modern day Pharisees.

Obviously, we should be aware of shame and how it can paralyze and hurt us, especially if it’s unhealthy shame.

Obviously, shame works, but we should not use it to manipulate adults – especially as a way of avoiding communication.

Obviously, shame is taking place all the time. Shame is the name of the game. Shame works. It’s behind the scenes in many television advertisements, but too often it’s also the bottom line of our judgments about each other. By attitude, words, gestures, people often say things like: “Shame, shame on you for having so many kids.” “Shame, shame on you for not having kids.” “Shame, shame on you for being a stay-at-home mom.” “Shame, shame on you for going out to work.” “Shame, shame on you for staying in that neighborhood.” “Shame, shame on you for having such an ugly old car.” “Shame, shame on your for having a brand new car.”

2) Love and Forgiveness are Better Than Shame.

Obviously, love and forgiveness are better than shame.

Obviously, we all need to do some deep letting go of hurts and anger towards family, teachers, people we have worked with, church people, anyone and everyone who shamed us somewhere back there in pages of our life.

Obviously, we all need to do some deeper reflection on shame in our life. Some make a distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is  feeling, “I made a mistake.” Shame is feeling, “I am a  mistake.” That distinction can be made on paper and in our mind, but when we are feeling shame or stupidity or guilt for something we have done, we don’t make distinctions. We just feel dumb, hurt, stupid, embarrassed, guilty. The word “shame” can sum it all up.

Obviously, such feelings should lead us to be ready to receive Jesus into our life. He’ll come. The Risen Lord always approaches people and calls them to service – one great way of moving out of shame.

Perhaps, when we feel deep shame or guilt or “whatever”, we should approach Jesus first and say three times, “Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me?”

And maybe the Lord Jesus will laugh and say, “You beat me to the punch line. Well, anyway I’ll say to you what I said to Peter, ‘Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?’ Let’s eat.”

FISH # 154

The title of my homily is, “Fish # 154.”

This is a story. Let’s see if this works.

Once upon a time there was this great group of fish – a school of fish as they call a community of fish – 154 fish in all – and they lived in a nice big lake – called Galilee.

At one time it was called the Sea of Tiberius – named after the Roman Emperor, Tiberius.

Big shots, politicians, famous folks often like lakes and schools named after them.

Well, anyway, this was a very smart school of fish. When fishermen threw their nets off the right side of their boats, these 154 fish would be on the left and when fishermen threw their nets off on the left side of their boats, this school of fish would be on the right side of their boats.

As I said, this was a very smart school of fish. As a result, they were never caught. As a result they became really big fish.

And as in any school, there were rivalries. Some fish raced to be faster than others; some jumped higher; some dived lower. Competition rules the waves as well as the land. So there was jealousy and pride and pushiness at times amongst these fish – but all in all, the 154 hung together. It was not sink or swim. It was either swim or be caught.

Well, surprise, one late, late, late night, or almost early, early, early morning a stranger stepped into those waters and quietly with a single swing of a small net he caught one fish.

The school sensed something so they swam out of harm’s way into the deeper waters as fast as possible.

“Woo, that was close,” they said to each other.

Well, everyone was scared.

“Who was that fisherman? We thought we knew all the fishermen in these waters.”

Someone said, “Number 154 was getting old. That’s what happens when you don’t keep up your swimming techniques.”

They were now 153 fish.

 Number 154 was now on the shore.

The lone fisherman, a stranger, stood there in the early, early, early morning preparing that 154^th fish for breakfast. He cut the fish’s head off first. Ooooh! That hurt. And he calmly placed the head down on the ground – eyes facing a fire. Then he cut the fish in half – and fitted it on a piece of wood, a spit, that was in the shape of a small cross to put it on the fire.

And the dead fish was thinking, “Well, I guess this is what life’s all about – dying to give your life so others might live.”

Just then the sun began to rise as the sun always does.

And the lone fisherman by the fire on the shore of the lake could hear a boat headed his way coming towards shore.

They were young men, fishermen, and the stranger yelled out, “Did you catch any fish?”

And they yelled back, “No, there were no fish out there last night.”

The stranger’s voice sounded  a tiny bit familiar.

And the 154 fish listening down below laughed, because once more they outfoxed, oops, out fished,  the fishermen.

And the stranger on the shore said, “Cast your net off the right side of the boat and you’ll find something.”

And they did.

Surprise their nets were filled – with such a great catch of fish – they couldn’t pull the net to shore.

One of the fishermen yelled, “It is the Lord.”

One of the other fishermen jumped into the water and headed for the Lord.

The other fishermen pulled the net full of fish toward the shore. They were not too far out.

When they landed they saw the fire and they saw the fish on the spit and some bread.

And the stranger said, “Have some breakfast.”

And they knew it was the Lord.

And the one who used to do all the counting was gone. Judas was his name. So the other disciples counted the fish, 153 – and they kept them in the water in the net – so as to keep them fresh – and they all wondered what was going to happen next.

Up to that moment - they thought the Big Fisherman named Jesus - was just a dream - a dream they dreamed - and it was good.

But when he was arrested and killed on a cross, they figured that was it. No more bread, no more wine, no more crowds, no more adventure, no more healings, no more preaching,   no more life with Jesus.

As they ate that breakfast, as they ate the fresh fish, as they ate the fresh bread, they knew - as if it was a sunrise staring them right in the face, this was only the beginning - like back on the beach that first day he called us - like that first day we had the big catch, and he said, “Come follow me! I’m going to make you fishers of others.” 

And yes, on that beach, on that morning, once more they heard him say, “Come follow me.”

And fish #154 saw it all - well sort of.

PETER  AND  ANDREW 

[For a homily for this morning - this 3rd Sunday after Easter - I decided to tell a story. I was working on a sermon for this Mass - using a few ideas from what I heard the Pope saying in his new letter - AMORIS LAETITIA - the Joy of Love - but I realized - I need to do a lot more homework on that. I wrote this story last night for  today’s  8 AM Kids Mass - but it went right over their heads. So I adulterated this a tiny bit - and decided to use it on you. I’ll be listening and watching for your reactions.]

Once upon a time there were two brothers - Peter and Andrew.

Pete and Andy - for some of those who really knew them.

For the sake of transparency,  my name is Andy - but this story is not about me - as you’ll see.  It’s more about Peter - and what kind of person he was.

Now for starters Peter and Andrew were as different as night and day.

Peter was outspoken - talked a good game - but not that great on follow up - but down deep he was a scared- E cat. 

Andrew on the other hand was quite quiet - not really noticed. He was as they say - like background music - just there - but down deep he was serene and secure.

Peter got all the notice. Andrew was never noticed - that is - till someone needed something. Andrew was the type who knew whom to ask and how to get what was needed - when it was needed - especially when someone was stuck.

But Peter is the heart of this story. He’s the main character in this story - so let me spend the rest of telling this story about him.

Peter had a handicap. It’s called LF. Those who knew him - wondered if he was born this way or whether he got this way somehow.

LF - tough handicap.

LF is not something you want to get - because if you get it - you got a handicap that’s hard to get over. It’s invisible - but it can chew you up - and mess you up - especially in the mind and how you think.

As a kid his parents took Peter to a child psychologist who sat and listened to him for a couple of sessions - and sure enough - the diagnosis was LF.

As you know LF stands for Love Fixation.

Love Fixation. LF.

Now this was not a National Enquirer type Love Fixation. It is the human need for love type fixation.

Love?  Well,  we all know what love is - but maybe not at times - because this is where Peter had his problems. Yet every little kid who says, “I love you - somehow knows - it means appreciation, thanks, presence, security, and ice cream on summer evenings.

Fixation? Now that’s a tricky cat to capture or to cage - to understand - and to put into words.

Fixation? Little kids get what fixation means - that is, till you try to explain it. Examples are better - so let me try to give  a few examples of fixation.

A kid can’t stand it when the gravy gets too close to the mashed potatoes on his supper plate. That’s GF - Gravy Fixation.  Or the peas and carrots get mixed together. Oooh! That’s a no no for some kids. That’s the P & C F - the Peas and Carrots Fixation. Orange and green - no - no - no.

Or a kid can’t stand it when his sister bends the playing cards when they are playing rummy - or she bites the edge of the cards when she thinks she is about to win. She needs just one card - and then she can scream “Rummy.”

Fixations are often about little things - like who sits where at the kitchen table or who gets the end cut of the meat loaf or the birthday cake - or I can’t stand it when there are croutons in my salad. Oooh. Ugly tiny brown square toasted bread -  croutons - I hate them - with a hate fixation. HF.

But fixations can be about big things as well - like whether we are loved or not. And this is precisely, exactly, what LF is about.

A lot of people - in various degrees - spend too much life energy - on LF.

Peter would ask his mom and then his dad every morning - when he was a little, little kid, “Do you love me?”  At first they would say, “Of course we love you - and give him a little hug.”

Andrew knew his parents loved him - so he didn’t have LF - and he didn’t have to ask,   the “Do you love me question?” over and over again.

When the child psychologist told Peter’s parents that Peter had LF - they were besides themselves. “Uh oh! What did we do wrong?”

But as he talked and met with them, he told them that he as a child psychologist was asked by Peter several times - every time they met - “Do you love me?”

Hearing that, they went, “Phew, we’re not the only ones.”

His teachers had the same experience. Did they love Peter? His grandparents had the same wondering?  They were often asked by Peter, “Do you love me?”

So this is Peter - the kid and then the high school kid with LF.

Peter would ask everyone if they loved him.

Peter was fixated on being loved and did all he could to experience being loved.

But it seemed nothing worked.

He would bring cookies to the principal of his school and then ask, “Do you love me?”

On his little league baseball team he would keep asking any adult coach or volunteer, “Do you love me?”

His brother Andrew slept in the lower bunk of their bunk beds and often at night - in the dark - he would hear Peter asking God, “Do you love me?”

That would get Andrew to pray for his brother Peter. That would get Andrew his brother to do things for Peter - so that he would feel loved.

But nothing worked - at least that’s the way it seemed.

Peter felt worthless. Peter didn’t feel he was loved.  Peter had a bad case of LF.

This went on all through elementary school and well into high school.

A teacher stepped up - wondering if he could help Peter with his problem. He typed up a card that he put special words on  - and had it laminated. He told Peter to keep it in his wallet.  He did. Whenever he felt the need to ask someone, “Do you love me?” he was to take out his wallet - take out the card - and press his thumb and index finger into the card.

That worked a bit, the older he got.

In high school he dated a few girls, but they would drop him - as soon as they realized he had LF. He would ask them, “Do you love me?” over and over again.

These girls were smart enough to notice people do this - not just boys. They would see other girls who would try to bribe them with gifts  - in order to get into their cliques. And they wanted into the cliques and groups  in order to get appreciation and love.

Well, Peter was doing the same thing - in his own way. He had the hope,  he would realize  and feel he was loved. He could be a nuisance - and a pest - with his constant question, “Do you love me?”

He didn’t know that his parents, his teachers, his brother, all wanted him to get better - and that wanting to see him get better was one way they loved him.

People with LF - don’t get that people say, “I love you” in a thousand different ways - not just with words.

They need the words…. They don’t know that the key to love is that the words need to take flesh and live and move and make their way in us.

So nothing seemed to work - but stories love to have happy endings.

This one does and here it is.

One day Peter was at Mass - it was after Easter - and the reading was from the Gospel of John.

It was a story about Jesus and Peter - and Peter liked Peter the apostle - hey he was named after him.

Peter had been fishing for love all his life and it seemed that he was never catching it.

That Sunday morning he heard this story about Jesus asking Peter 3 times, “Do you love me?”  “Do you love me?”   “Do you love me?”

“Oh my God,” Peter said to himself, “Jesus had LF!” 

He had heard those letters - LF  - from adults, when he heard them talking serious about him. They would think, that this kid wasn’t listening - or wouldn’t understand - but little kids - little kids with LF especially - are listening. They are listening very carefully - hoping to hear if they are loved.

“Oh my God! Jesus had LF! He just asked Peter 3 times if he loved him.”

That hit Peter - right in the deepest part of his mind and heart.

“Well,” he thought, “if Jesus could have LF, I can have it.”

And after that Mass, he couldn’t wait to say to his mom and dad and his brother Andrew, “Thank you for loving me!”

They didn’t notice it right away - but by lunch time that day, they realized something was different about Peter. He was cured of his LF handicap.

And from then on, he forgot about himself, and just simply and calmly loves everyone he met - because he knew he was loved and lovable - and they were too. Amen.

April 10, 2016

STORY

Snubbed, stung, swindled,

squeezed, squished, squashed,

spurned, scoffed, scarred,

seduced, shamed, slain,

scuttled, sank, sunk,

saved, salvaged, SMILE.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

April 9, 2016

GAME

Poker,  rummy, Monopoly, Risk….

Throw the dice.  Pick up your cards.

Play the game.  Much will be out

of your control. Luck.... Sometimes

luck is front and center. Your move.

Now chess, checkers, dominos, Boggle- 
those games.... They seem to be based 
a bit more on our skills, our mind, our 
practice, our tricks - how we play the game. 

So too relationships…. Sometimes the other

is not playing with a full deck as they say - 

but some people - some people - this may 
boggle our minds - are way too sharp for us in how they make their moves - in how they play this game called, “Life!” That's the risk 
we take.  Without knowing it - sometimes
we're really playing Trivial Pursuit - "Uh oh!" And sometimes the real game that is actually
going on is Monopoly. Your move.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

April 8, 2016

CONSEQUENCES

“Consequences!"
That’s the tattoo to put

on everyone’s arm!

“Consequences!”

That’s the comment

that should be announced

at the beginning of every meeting.

“Consequences!”

I.B.M. used to say the word was

“Think!” I prefer, “Consequences.”

“Consequences!”

Pause! Say it! Become quiet.

Remember the domino effect.
Then ask, "Now what consequences 
can we possibly picture happening?"

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

April 7, 2016

APPRECIATION

Appreciation - to be appreciated -

to be noticed for what we do - the

little things especially. Is this the

main motive?  Are we hoping to 
hear a “Thank you!” now and then - 
or better, “Let me do this. You’re 
already doing enough around here.”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016