CELL PHONE

Whom are all these people talking to
on their cell phones walking and driving by me?

Then the obvious hit me: they are talking to
all these other people talking on their cell phones
walking and driving by me?

Then my next question:

"I don't get it. What are your talking about? "

Then came an answer:

Talk to someone on their cell phone.

They’ll explain it.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2007

BALLYNAHOWN, GALWAY

Rock walls – many, many rock walls,
low lying rock walls everywhere,
parceling out the land,
all along the up and down, twisting and turning, dirt roads.
I took notice of the yellow green stains in the stones.
Time and weather pockmarks everything,
including the faces peeking out at us
from curtained cottage windows,
“Probably American tourists checking out their roots.”
Our Aunt Nora was taking us down to see our ancestors
in the little cemetery right at the edge of the sea.
Standing there with my two sisters, Peggy and Mary,
my Aunt Nora, my brother-in-law, Jerry,
I was listening to the moaning cows, the wind,
the lapping and clapping of the grey sea.
I was looking at the ever, forever background
of Ballynahown. I began wondering,
“Did mom and dad stand here many years ago,
looking at the cemetery stones, the rock walled pastures,
the dirt roads, and then turn and look to the sea,

dreaming of having a family, us, another life,

on the other side of this rocky, rugged coast?"

© Andy Costello, Poems, 2007

Picture taken by Mary Connolly

in September 1999,

West Coast of Ireland,

right where my parents were born.

QUESTION AND  
ANSWER PERIOD  

Question: “Below, behind, beneath,
under, in back of what counts,
the answer is hidden there,
so why do I remain on my surface?”

Answer: “It’s ME
and it seems you don’t want ME.
I walked the surface once
and you walked away from me.
I reached out once
and you crucified ME.
You buried ME,
so now if you want to rise,
you'll have to find ME,
not only
in the gentle breeze
and the baby's smile,
but also
in crushed grapes and ground wheat,
in the mix and the muddle,
in the mystery of cancer and death,
in breakdowns and breakups,
in the below, behind, beneath,
under, in the back of what counts –
otherwise
you’ll always be a question, period.

© Andy Costello, Poems, 2007

DOUBTS ABOUT JESUS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Doubts About Jesus.”

What are your doubts about Jesus?

“Don’t have any!”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope!”

“You mean to tell me you never had any doubts about Jesus?”

“Never!”

"You mean to say you didn't hear about the new book on Mother Teresa of Calcutta - and how she had years of doubt - or the so called Dark Night of the Soul?" [Cf. Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light - The Private Writings of Mother Teresa, authors Mother Teresa and Brian Koludiechuk]

"Nope!"

“Okay! But I’m still going to preach this homily entitled, “Doubts About Jesus.”

TO BE HUMAN IS TO HAVE DOUBTS

To be human is to have doubts. Doubts are part of relationships. Doubts are part of love. In fact, if doubts were not part of love, love wouldn’t be as great as it can be.

Doubts get us thinking. Doubts get us talking. Doubts get us listening to each other better. Doubts can bring us reassurance. Doubts can get us to love another even more.

A LOVE STORY

I never forgot the love story a woman told me a long time ago – and she said I could use it in public anytime.

Her father was a disaster – and so she had problems with any notion of God as Father.

She knew this about herself.

I had heard while studying to become a priest – that you’ll meet people who will have doubts and difficulties about calling God “Our Father” – because they will have had trouble with their own fathers. Here I was experiencing the reality, not in a classroom, but in a one on one conversation with this lady.

She was having trouble, having doubts, about God, about believing that God loved her – even more, that God knew she existed – and if God even knew that – whether God cared about her.

Out of the blue in response, I said, “Do you know anyone who loves you – anyone who knows you exist – anyone who cares about you?”

“Oh yeah,” she said, “my husband loves me.”

I remained quiet – hoping she would flesh that out.

She did.

She continued, “Once I was sick in bed for the longest time and he had to care for me – clean me – help get me better."

Then she added, "I was amazed at his patience. I don’t know if I would have his kind of love.”

Then she said, “One day I asked him, “Why are you doing this?”

“He said, ‘What?’ – then added, ‘Oh, because I love you.’”

She became quiet – then said, “I guess at times I doubted his love – but that cemented it.”

Being the priest I suggested, “Why not see God as husband?”

At that, the light went on in her eyes.

TODAY’S READINGS

In today’s gospel John the Baptist is in prison. While there he starts hearing about what Jesus was doing.

In the other John the Baptist stories that are embedded in the gospels – there are not that many – we see that John the Baptist was one tough person – calling for strict, tough, changes in one’s life.

Compared to James – whom we hear in today’s second reading, John the Baptist is not a person who has patience as one of his main characteristics.

James tells us to be patient – like a farmer waiting for the fruits of the earth – being patient for rain to fall – especially when it’s not falling.

John the Baptist is not like a farmer on a rocking chair on a porch pondering calmly the evening sky. No, he’s like a farmer who has an ax in hand and is chopping, chopping, chopping, at roots – and pulling them out of the earth with muscle and might, sweat and strain.

John called for a violent revolution in how we live our life.

He’s the type of person who would end up in prison because of his words. He did, because of his prophetic attacks on Herod – who stole his own brother’s wife. He was the type of person whose words were written not on nice pink paper – but on sand paper.

He could rub others the wrong way. [Cf. Luke 3: 19-20; Matthew 14:1-12; Mark 6:17-29.]

So when he hears that Jesus is healing the blind, helping the lame to walk, cleansing people from leprosy, making the deaf hear, raising the dead, and preaching good news to the poor, John the Baptist, while in prison, asks some of his disciples to go and ask Jesus if he is the one who is to come or should we look for another?

John the Baptist was having doubts about whether Jesus was the one we’re all waiting for.

THE SIX PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE

Sometimes I say to couples getting married that there are six people in the getting married situation. The he, you think he is. The he, he thinks he is. The he, he really is. The she, you think she is. The she, she thinks she really is. And the she, she really is.

Say that ten times fast.

APPLIED TO JESUS

Is it the same way with Jesus?

Is Jesus, the Jesus we think Jesus is?

Maybe doubts will help us discover Jesus in a new way.

THE NEW TESTAMENT & CHURCH HISTORY
I have discovered that the Gospels and the rest of the New Testament are constantly dealing with the Jesus Question?

The Jesus Question is: "Who do you say I am?"

The question is put there for us.

How do we answer that question?

I have discovered that the history of the Church is constantly dealing with the Jesus Question.

I have discovered that we are blessed with many answers to the Jesus Question.

Peter answers the question this way: “You are the Christ!” [Cf. Matthew 16:16; Mark 8:29; Luke 9:20.]
We all know that when Jesus was arrested, Peter was asked three times if he knew Jesus. And we all know that Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. So I’m sure on the morning after the Resurrection when Peter saw Jesus at the Lake of Galilee, Peter answered the question this way: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You are the one I denied three times.” But Jesus asked a new question. He simply asked three times, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?” [Cf. John 21]

As I was preparing this homily, it hit me to pick 4 different ways Jesus is presented in the 4 gospels.

Matthew answers the question many ways. I like to read that Matthew describes Jesus as the New Moses – who will lead us out of the slavery of our Egypt - across the desert so we can be cleansed - to the Promised Land, to New Life, to the Kingdom, to a New Vision on how to live the life we’re all looking for - the Will of God. The Old Moses gave us the Ten Commandments on the Old Mountain; this New Moses gives us those commandments and a lot more – for example the Beatitudes on the New Mountain – challenge us to more than a life of avoiding sin, but to a fuller life with Christ.

Mark answers the question many ways. I like to read Mark seeing Jesus as doing a lot more than speaking – that the Christian serves more than he or she talks. I think that Mark is saying that action speaks much louder than words. Mark is the shortest gospel.

Luke answers the question many ways. I like to read Luke seeing Jesus as the one who sees the people we don’t see – the poor, the children, the unnoticed. The Mediterranean world was a world dominated by males. Women were kept in the back room. Luke begins with Mary out front – and the stone ceiling and walls for women in his day begin to disappear – and then we see Jesus coming through all walls – meeting and greeting all kinds of women and men. Women of today talk about glass ceilings. Obviously, we have a long way to go.

John answers the question many ways. I like to read John seeing Jesus as the poet – that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, that Jesus is the Living Bread, the Living Water, the Good Shepherd, and the New Wine – the Husband, the Image of his Father and on and on and on.

CONCLUSION: THE THREE COMINGS OF CHRIST

We’re preparing for Christmas – so we're preparing for coming of Christ.

As I reflected on this, I would say, "We're preparing for three comings of Christ."

We're preparing for the first coming of Christ - the memorial of what happened over 2000 years ago.

We’re preparing for the great so called, "Second Coming of Christ" at the end of the World. In the Early Church they thought this was immediate, so there are lots of parables and hints that it was about to happen. Surprise! Here we are in the year 2007 and we know the sun and the earth promise to be around for a long, long time, in spite of global warming and nuclear threats and disaster movies from time to time.

We're also preparing for personal comings of Christ in new ways - and this is where I would put the stress in this homily. At this point in my thinking, I would call these "Third Comings of Christ."

I think the first step is to have a few doubts – maybe Christ wants to be born again in me – not inside my cozy "Inn Places" – but outside - in my "stable" - better unstable places. I might have boxed Jesus into a Jesus that isn't Jesus.

Christmas is a time to open boxes. Christmas is a time to receive gifts. Christmas is the time to journey like a shepherd, shepherdess, King or Queen, Wise or Unwise, to Christ, with or without gifts.

I know that the Jesus I knew at 20 is very different than the Jesus I know at 68 – and right now I hope for at least 10 more years of a challenging relationship with him – and I’m sure there will be more doubts and denials – as well as more and more insights and challenges – and probably a hope for more years after that.

Maybe Jesus wants to be born in the messy manger of the me I really am – and not the me I think I am.

MANNEQUIN

Always on display,
out front, always in season,
dressed in the best
of clothes and shoes -
the latest fashions,
forever thin,
forever firm,
forever young,
and forever unaware
that people never really stopped
to get to know her.
To be honest,
nakedly honest,
she had no personality,
no smile on her face,
no life or light in her eyes.
In fact, she was so
wrapped up in her clothes
that she didn’t realize
that people only came near her
to see her latest outfit
and the price on her sleeve.

© Andy Costello, Poems 2007

FLY ON THE WALL

For years,
well, actually it was probably
for all his life,
he was left out and unasked.

This hurt.

Hey, it hurts never to be asked.

Then one day,
on the other side of this ongoing hurt,
he had an insight.

He realized
he was the proverbial fly on the wall.

As this thought buzzed him,
he realized nobody realized
that he noticed everything.
He knew all the office affairs
and all the office intrigues.
He knew who was laughing at whom
and who was really the boss.

He knew who worked,
who didn't work,
and who got all the credit.

And so he had
these great inner conversations with himself
about these domino like comments that
he overheard in washrooms and at coffee breaks.

And at times he would question
or pray or learn or laugh
or at times cry inside himself
about all these people
who never saw him standing or landing there.

Once, while comparing
these other conversations with his own,
he decided it wasn’t all that bad
to be the way he was.

However, on the Sunday, in church,
after that once, he laughed a humble laugh.

"It works this way, every time, doesn’t it?"

As the gospel was being read,
he heard Jesus saying that
he could read Pharisee’s thoughts.

He laughed inwardly,
“Oh my God, Jesus has been
hanging there, a fly
on the window of my soul
all these years - and
I thought I was all alone."

Then the thought:
"Maybe the two of us ought to fly off
to some quiet place for a long, long talk?”

© Andy Costello, Poems 2007

VIOLENCE 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Violence.”

To spell it out for the sake of clarity: V I O L E N C E
I would like to think out loud a bit about violence, because it’s an issue that is wedged into today’s first reading.

I'm sure you noticed the violence in today's gospel as well. It presents some of John the Baptist’s message. He preaches with some rather violent images. I don’t think I would enjoy Sabbath services, if the preacher was a John the Baptist type. I sense some people want that – but saying that up here from the pulpit, without a chance for response, could be a sneaky low blow on my part – and that’s a point I want to make in this sermon as well. There is such a thing as sneaky subtle violence.

So I would like to think out loud a bit about violence, because I think it’s a reality we ought to reflect upon from time to time.

A RABBI & THE KORAN

I was at a Jewish wedding a few years ago and I was talking to the Rabbi who asked me if I had read the Koran. I said, “No.”

“Well,” he said, “I was thinking we all ought to read it – in an effort to understand each other.”

So I began reading it – knowing one misses most of the nuances – if one cannot read it and understand it in its original Arabic language.

Somewhere, after reading about 60 pages, I began to notice the word “fire” over and over again. I went back to page 1 and started to read the Koran from the beginning again, this time underlining the word “fire” with an orange highlighter pen.

I began to notice lots of violence and annihilation. I kept spotting that unbelievers and those who did evil were being condemned to hell – forever – and God is the one doing this.

Yes, the translation I had picked used the word, “God” for “Allah”.

I knew the mid-east word for “God” was “Al”, “Allah”, “El”. We know that “El”, one of the Hebrew words for “God”, is at the tail end of various Hebrew first names, Rachel, Michael, Nathaniel, Daniel, Samuel. There it is at the beginning of Elizabeth’s name as well. I couldn’t find out if Eleanor fits in there. Then there’s Elijah and Eli.

Being a football Giant fan, obviously, I wish Eli would live up to his name a lot more – today against the Eagles and next week against the dreadful Redskins.

Ooops, I’m getting sidetracked, and I’m making a sneaky dig at the Redskins. And many people consider football a very violent game as well.

THE BIBLE

While reading the Koran slowly over a long period of time, I began to notice the word “fire” in the Hebrew Scriptures as well – as well as violence – and then I began to also notice both “fire” and violence in the Christian Scriptures.

That became an “uh oh” of an echo as I read the Bible.

Haven’t we all read a Psalm – and it’s beautiful – and we’re enjoying the prayer and right in the middle of the beauty is a zinger – wanting God to zap someone?

CLOSING THE BOOKS
Closing both books, the Bible and the Koran, I began asking myself, “How about violence inside the pages of my story? How about fire and violence inside the pages of my emotions?”

Obviously, both appear in everyday newspapers and TV news reports. But how about self? Myself?

I needed to make an examination – to look at a check list – but where do I begin?

Not having children, not being married, instead of spouse or kids, I began with road rage as the first place to examine my life.

I probably have beeped at dumb drivers about 10 times in my life – but not out of anger – but as an attempt to wake folks up – on cell phones – or because they switched lanes without a signal and almost caused an accident.

Living with priests I have the experience married folks have of driving with those you live with – and some priest drivers have scared me. I discovered experientially from other priests that there are Type A Behavior drivers and Type B Behavior drivers. Type A are tailgaters. Type B are not. But Type B bother Type A types. Based on my words there, obviously I am a Type B Behavior driver. I like the middle lane – go 3 to 5 miles over the speed limit on the big roads – and use cruise control whenever possible – and I know this annoys some people. Sorry. Hey, I’m trying to accept you. Please try to accept me.

Little kids screaming in church don’t bother me. For some folks this drives them nuts. I hear screams. We all hear screams. Scream. Scream. Scream. And I’ve heard many people complain about priests who complain about screaming babies. I’m not dumb. Like everyone else, I don’t like criticism. So screams are part of life. Growing up, our family never had a car – so we took public transportation. I have very early memories of going to visit our cousin in Elmhurst, Long Island, New York, my dad’s brother’s family, and being cranky and crying – when they had to wake me up on the way home when we had to switch different trains to get back to Brooklyn.

And I have lots of nieces with lots of little ones. I’ve seen kids scream and yell and laugh and smile – in the same minute. And like grandparents, I only see them for short spans of time. Parents have to deal with kids all the time – and then there are the teenage years.

Last week I was on retreat for three days with the junior class in our high school – and this coming week I’ll be with some seniors for a 4 day retreat.

I have been reading anything I notice on the teenage brain. One image that hit me was that there is a rusty switch in there and it’s great when something goes through their skull and flips that switch and the kid has an epiphany moment.

FRUSTRATION: TO YELL OR NOT TO YELL

Examining my conscience on this theme of violence within my story, I see myself as “The Silent Type.”

I don’t see this as virtue – but as an inherited reality. Both my parents were the silent types – my dad especially. He was all smile.

I do regret that I wasn’t smart enough to have had long talks with him about what he was thinking and feeling through the years.

I did sit down with him once – just before he died – and jotted down about 30 to 40 pages of notes about where he came from and where he worked and lived. I found out about his 9 years of love letters to my mom asking her to marry him. But as to feelings – regrets – resentments – frustrations – no. Yet, I sense, he was a man of deep peace – and all was blessing. All was gift. Praise God.

My mom was quiet as well – not as much as my dad - but like my dad and many in her generation – but less in mine – you didn’t get into touchy, feeling stuff. You just worked and did your life jobs – day after day after day.

Were they frustrated with life? Were they satisfied with life? Did they pinch themselves being blessed with 4 kids: two boys, two girls?

My sisters make quips at times that the boys were favored – especially my older brother – by my mom. Hey, the oldest boy in an Irish Catholic family, what else would you expect?

As I think about this, I realize we were at the bottom of the Richter Scale when it came to family earthquakes. We were poor, but we didn’t know it. We were blessed and we thought everyone else was as well.

Violence takes place not just in Iraq. It takes place in the heart and the home as well.

I came home one Christmas from the Seminary and my sister Mary showed me the front page of The New York Daily News. A kid I knew from across the street had shot his mother and killed her. This was long before cell phones. He wanted to get on the phone and she was on the phone too long talking to her boyfriend.

Violence was not too far from our doorstep.

PASSIVE AGRESSION

It wasn’t till I took courses in pastoral counseling that I heard about passive aggression – subtle sabotage by someone against someone else – silent digs – locked doors – slammed doors – frozen faces. “I’m sleeping on the couch.” “You can go to bed. I’ll be up later. There’s something I want to see on TV or there’s something I have to take care of on my computer.”

I know I prefer silence as my weapon of choice.

I know it works – or at least I hope it works – to get people to stop and think – “Maybe my behavior is bothering people.”

I know silence sometimes makes people stop and think.

What is your weapon of choice?

Yelling?

Like silence one has to ask, does it work? Or do others become immune or inoculated by angry outbursts – that stick like a needle – hurt for the moment – and then we become better fortified from another’s angry outbursts.

I think silence and passive aggression are better than violence and angry shouts. Nobody is shot. Things are not broken. People are not physically hurt. However, ....

COMMUNION AND COMMUNICATION

Obviously communion – sitting down to a peace table in Annapolis and holding peace talks will certainly make every family in Annapolis better.

Obviously, gripe sessions – what’s going wrong around here? – are important; but then we better counterbalance the gripe sessions with grateful sessions and talk about – what’s going right around here? We need to give everyone a chance to thank those who are pulling their load – lugging the garbage out, vacuuming, sweeping, emptying the dish washer, keeping the bathroom or bathrooms clean, picking up after oneself, etc. as well as labeling laziness as laziness and challenging each other for a fair distribution of work.

A home or a workplace where people are grinding their teeth with inner conversations of resentment after resentment, chewing on the cud of the crud around here, and then sniping with words at coffee breaks, etc. is not a healthy place to be.

FIRST READING

That brings me back to today’s first reading. It’s from Isaiah and it describes with great imagination what every home, neighborhood, workplace, county, country, world can be.

Edwin Hicks did over 60 paintings of this Peaceable Kingdom that Isaiah describes in chapter 11.

He dreams that there is always hope. A divorce or a death can be seen as the family tree being cut down – but surprise, Isaiah sees a shoot sprouting from the stump of Jesse. There is always hope. A root might look empty, but surprise, Isaiah spots a bud blossoming.

He sees that the Spirit of the Lord can change things.

He sees a spirit of wisdom and understanding, counsel and strength, knowledge and fear of the Lord, can change things.

He sees that an end to judgment by appearance and hearsay is called for.

Then – it happens every time – some violence sneaks into even Isaiah’s beautiful dream here. Just as I was reading words of violence and annihilation in the Koran, here Isaiah has God striking the ruthless with the rod of his mouth and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked.

Then he switches back to his dream – after God zapped the bad guys – the wolf shall be the guest of the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the goat, the calf with the young lion, and a child shall lead them.

What a beautiful dream – lions eating with ox, cows with bears, and the child being able to play near the cobra’s den.

CONCLUSION

As the song line goes in My Fair Lady, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful?”

Isaiah’s dream is possible not impossible – when we start with ourselves and then with ourselves in our family and our small circles.

Isaiah’s dream is very possible when we take the time to open the pages of our own book – our own story – and see where we are violent, or angry, or frustrated, or silent, or aggressive, or passive.

Highlight with a bright orange marker those feelings. Then bring the Christ Child into that communion and communication with each other. Then let Christ grow up to the Adult Christ as we grow up as Adult Christians. Amen.